Change We Voted For

It's Been Fun

2009-02-08T23:25:00.004-05:00

But the time has finally come. As most of you have probably notice, I simply don't have time to maintain my own blog anymore. Thus, this is the end. I will officially commit blogicide, and terminate this institution on blogspot.

Thankfully, the journey doesn't have to end here. In fact, if I didn't have an outlet for my sarcasm, or my frustration with the game of politic, I might explode.

Instead, Break Out the Oreos, known to some as the premier blogging institution north of 110th St, has graciously offered me a chance to spew hot air and, from what I can gather, dilute its finely-crafted writing with my nonsense.

breakouttheoreos.com

Favorite it, RSS it, do what must be done. I hope to live up to the reputation that BOTO has forged for itself, and, in time, become an integral part of its web of snarkiness.

In parting, for those of you who don't quite grasp the epic significance of my departure from this blog, please partake in this video:

Big Barack Is Watching You

2009-01-29T19:45:00.000-05:00

http://www.wouldyoudothatifbarackwaswatching.com/question.html

Be a little bit creeped out. Just mostly be amused. I just can't wait for the day when that feature appears on the official White House website.

Blago the Martyr

2009-01-25T10:39:00.004-05:00

--> Governor Rod Blagojevich (D-IL) has been making the rounds in the media - press conferences, interviews, secretly-recorded phone calls with the FBI - in order to clear his name and foster public support in advance of his trial by the Illinois State Senate. His strategy seems to be playing brilliantly, because we all know that what Americans love most is a self-aggrandizing politician.

This certainly isn't the first time that a political figure has conjured up memories of trying times past in order to rally the country to his cause. President Obama has repeatedly referred to the Great Depression as a demonstration that Americans need to work together so that we can overcome the current crisis. Rudolph Giuliani can't go three words with mentioning the attacks of September 11th. So it seems predictable that Blagojevich would publicly compare his arrest to the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, explaining, "It was a complete surprise, completely unexpected. And just like the United States prevailed in that, we'll prevail in this."

In the governor's defense, there are several parallels. Firstly, U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald may be at least a tiny bit Japanese. In addition, there are reports that several thousand members of Blagojevich's family died of shame when the FBI arrived at his door to arrest the governor. And perhaps the corruption scandal of an Illinois governor will be just the spark that our federal government needs to finally invade Germany.

The governor continued to sound like a crazy person when he explained that the state legislature's sole purpose in impeaching him was to get him out of the way so that they could raise taxes: "The reason they're doing this is because they can't wait to get rid of me so they can raise taxes on the people of Illinois. This is as much about a tax increases as it is about anything else."

Well, no. I believe it's more about YOU TRYING TO SELL A UNITED STATES SENATE SEAT FOR MONEY THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

At this point, I had fears that Blagojevich couldn't get any more ridiculous, thus running my blog dry of material. How unfounded those worries seem...

On an interview on The Today Show this morning, Governor Blagojevich actually had the audacity (of hope?) to compare his battle for justice to those of Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr.. and Mahatma Gandhi.

As he was arrested, Blagojevich said, "I thought about Mandela, Dr. King and Gandhi and tried to put some perspective to all this and that is what I am doing now."At this point, I do truly hope that the governor takes a page out of Gandhi's book. Please, Governor, stop eating food.

Blagojevich also argued about the illegitimacy of the trial, claiming that he could summon up "15 angels and 20 saints led by Mother Theresa" to testify on his behalf and "it wouldn't matter." Now some may find it amazing that the Illinois State Legislature wouldn't listen to saints and angels, although to be fair, if you listened to the GOP Convention you would know that the legislature has already been home to The Messiah.

What actually amazes me about the comments is that Blagojevich apparently has the power to call forth the might of Heaven. Maybe all of this is why his lawyer quit.

Betrayal!

2009-01-20T17:31:00.003-05:00

As the sun sets on this first day of the Obama Administration, I can't help but feel a little bit disappointed. When President Obama was sworn in, I had a few simple expectations, but sadly none of them have been met.

I haven't seen a single rainbow yet today!

There aren't chocolate lollipops blooming spontaneously from the ground!

The toothpaste isn't mintier!

The big Lincoln statue didn't come to life and carry the new President back to the White House.

The woodland creatures continue to simply growl at me when I ask for help washing dishes.

We don't even have a comfortable budget surplus yet!

No miracles! No massive legislative accomplishments! No naked parade of shame for former Bush staffers down Pennsylvania Avenue...or did I make that campaign promise up?

This isn't the change I could believe in. In fact, why is no one holding Obama accountable for the ten inaugural balls that he and Michelle will be attending?? Forget that it's traditional and that every president does it - if John McCain can lose votes because he owns lots of houses, can't the Obamas lose support because Michelle owns ten dresses? It's pretty much the same thing, right?

Get it in gear, Mr. President!

Sadness

2009-01-20T17:23:00.002-05:00

Today's ceremonies, meant as a celebration of everything that the Democratic Party hopes to accomplish in the next few years, turned somber earlier today, as Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA), attending a congressional luncheon despite battling a brain tumor, had to be taken to a hospital with seizures. A party giant by anyone's assessment, Kennedy has been a lion of liberalism for decades in the U.S. Senate. President Obama followed him out of the room to check on him, while Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV), Kennedy's longtime friend and colleague, was so distraught about his friend's condition that he, too, had to leave the room.

Kennedy is reportedly "alert, awake, and undergoing assessment." We wish him a speedy recovery, because we will need him present to lead our fight in Congress.

Sabotage!

2009-01-20T16:07:00.003-05:00

As President Obama was administered the Oath of Office this afternoon, Chief Justice John Roberts made a slip-up that may have signaled a desire to thwart this transition of power to a less conservative regime.

Obama, clearly having memorized the oath in advance, was thrown off when Roberts rearranged several words, asking Obama to repeat "that I will execute the office of President to the United States faithful" instead of "that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States." Obama appeared befuddled and indicated the need to repeat the phrase again.

Failing to state the entire oath clearly, a loud buzzer then went off at Obama's podium. Roberts then cited the infamous federal "Oops Law," dictating that President Obama had thus forfeited his right to be president, automatically ushering in another 4-year term for President Bush. As the audience groaned, Roberts was heard offering the Obama's a lovely parting gift, and kindly wishing them the best of luck trying again in 4 years. Bush then took "Constitutional Amendments" for 200.

John Roberts is secretly Alex Trebek.

For his part, Vice President Biden did a magnificent job repeating his oath perfectly. Of course, that's because he has been saying it to himself in a mirror every night before bed for 25 years. He just needed help remembering to throw in that tricky "vice."

Triumph!

2009-01-20T15:56:00.003-05:00

And when President Obama removed his hand from the Lincoln Bible, he went up immediately from the crowd, and behold, the heavens were opened and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and alighting on him; and lo, a voice from heaven, saying, "This is my beloved President, with whom I am well pleased."

Or perhaps that was Wolf Blitzer's voice, who had the honor of interrupting John Williams' stirring composition, "Variations on a Star Wars Melody," and proclaiming that at noon, Eastern Standard Time, Barack Obama became the 44th President of the United States, as mandated by the Constitution regardless of any oath.

I must say, this feels really good. More insights on this day to follow...

Leaving Hurts You A Lot More Than It Hurts Me

2009-01-20T09:05:00.003-05:00

Sith Lord/Out-going Vice-President Dick Cheney apparently pulled a muscle in his back while moving into his new home, and will be forced into a wheelchair for today's ceremony.

There are few things that make me happier than a member of this administration in pain, and I think it's just a tiny shred of justice, given the condition that they have left this country in.

Oh yeah, and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates will be somewhere at some point today with someone doing something. You know, just in case. Gotta love having one-day Secret Service protection and unrestricted military access (perfect time for a coup, eh?).

Happy Inauguration Day, everyone!

Will Things Ever Be the Same Again? IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!

2009-01-19T21:37:00.004-05:00

Some guy once wrote, "Parting is such sweet sorrow." But Bush has probably never read Shakespeare, so I'll try a different route...

Bill Cosby once said, "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." President George W. Bush may have not been a success, but by this measurement he was certainly no failure.

Two wars, a massive budget deficit, disastrous international standing, a lasting realignment of the Supreme Court to the detriment of civil liberties, a drowned American city, irreparable damage done to the English language, a dramatic recession, a systematic effort to destroy the environment, Osama bin Laden still at large...who was he trying to please?

Truly this horse has been beaten to death. But it's an important lesson for the future of this nation: don't trust the future of our country to a guy who is advised by people like this:

President-elect Obama has a world of problems to face, and limited time to do it. He'll need all the luck and skill in the world to pull this nation of out of the hole that Bush dug for us (a hole that we watched him dig).

Tomorrow is a day of celebration, of renewal of purpose, and of rising to the challenges that lie ahead. Take at least a few of the next hours today to think about how we can never ever repeat the mistakes of the past 8 years.

Yogi Berra once said, "The future ain't what it used to be." Thanks to Bush's presidency, he is certainly right.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (But Not in a Racist Way)

2009-01-14T01:06:00.005-05:00

During the campaign, a great deal of attention was paid to Barack Obama's pledge to meet with foreign leaders, even those of hostile nations. In the first presidential debate, Senator Obama explained, "Now, understand what this means, 'without preconditions.' It doesn't mean that you invite them over for tea one day. ... There's a difference between preconditions and preparation. Of course we've got to do preparations, starting with low-level diplomatic talks, and it may not work, because Iran is a rogue regime."

Well, tonight the President-Elect had his first chance to sit down with opposing leaders, forgoing "low-level diplomatic talks" and apparently more than tea was served.

Last night, Obama had dinner with several of the most prominent conservative columnists in the country. Hosted by Washington Post columnist George Will (yes, "THE George Will"), the dinner featured our terrorist-sympathizing, arugula-eating, terrorist fist-jabbing hero squaring off against Will, William Kristol and David Brooks of The New York Times (yes, they do employ a few token conservatives, seen below), and Charles Krauthammer of the Washington Post.

The guest list was not formalized, so it is unknown who else was there. More importantly, the menu was not released either; we may never know if arugula was served.

Now, if a meeting like this had occurred under the Bush Administration with critical members of the media, I would have had two theories:

A) It's a sting operation designed to set up members of the liberal media and give Bush an excuse to throw them in Gitmo.
B) I'm dreaming.

Regardless, I guarantee that every journalist would have left dinner with a clever, new nickname courtesy of their Commander-in-Chief.

Does this sort of meeting signal a more open presidency, one that will listen to opposing views and not merely toe the party line?

All I know is that, for many liberals, the idea of the President talking privately with conservative columnists may actually be more frightening than the idea of a one-on-one meeting with Ahmadinejad.

Alaskan Pitbull Bites the Hand That Mocks

2009-01-13T20:07:00.014-05:00

No longer burdened by hanging out with Joe the Plumber or John the Senator, Governor Sarah Palin has spent her time preparing for her highly anticipated run for president in 2012. Of course, those doing the anticipating are the bloggers and left-wing media pundits eager to pounce on any number of gaffes that she is guaranteed to make.

However, preparation for a presidential run means that Palin has three years to reform her image from know-nothing to ...something. The only way to do that is to spend lots of quality time with her arch-nemesis: the press, explaining her version of what went wrong in 2008 and what she's learned.

In her latest edition of "It Wasn't My Fault," Palin lashed out at journalists, interviewers, and bloggers who took her remarks out of context and wouldn't take her at her word and instead demanded "medical evidence" and "facts."

Among her comments: "Bored, anonymous, pathetic bloggers who lie annoy me."

Was it something I said? Why would she single me out? I know she's talking about me because I'm pretty sure I'm the only person on the Internet who could possibly fit those three adjectives. Was it because I attacked her for saying that there were "real" parts of America? Was it because I mocked her regarding the bipartisan committee that concluded that she had abused her powers despite her repeated denials as well as her failed hockey appearance? Was it because I found her debate prep flow chart?

Palin further whined about the liberal media, defending her infamous Russia comment, "Even hard news sources, credible news sources — the comment about, you can see Russia from Alaska. You can! You can see Russia from Alaska. Something like that — a factual statement that was taken out of context and mocked — what you have to do is let that go."

I think the Governor might be missing the point. We all know that you can see Russia from a tiny part of Alaska. The point is that it doesn't matter - being able to see Russia from your state doesn't mean that you have foreign policy experience, and it certainly doesn't mean that you're ready to be Commander-in-Chief.

--> Thankfully, Palin's primary rival for the GOP nomination in 2012, Mike Huckabee, came to my defense, bluntly attacking the Alaskan Governor's interview skills and, more subtly, her intelligence:

"Now I must say I did not think that either the Charlie Gibson interview or the Katie Couric interviews were unfair. In fact, if anything, Katie Couric was extraordinarily gentle, even helpful. [Palin] just... I don't know what happened. I can't explain it. It was not a good interview. I'm being charitable."

There are a lot of Republican heavyweights who see Palin as an embarrassment to the party; many others see her as their champion who will lead the GOP into the 21st Century. I can't wait to see Republicans tear each other to shreds over an irrelevant, over-matched, non-contiguous governor.

At least McCain's daughter refused to get mixed up in the scuffle.

Change Comes to Minor League Baseball!

2009-01-12T19:20:00.008-05:00

The Brooklyn Cyclones are getting a new look in honor of the next President of the United States.

For the night of June 23rd, the Mets minor league affiliate will celebrate "Inaugural Tuesday" (5 months late) in one of the most unique giveaway ever by a sports franchise. Among the highlights of the festivities:

--> The team will rename itself (for a night) the BARACKLYN CYCLONES and wear special red, white, and blue jerseys adorned with the new name.

--> The first 2,500 fans arriving at the stadium will be given a free Barack Obama bobblehead, featuring the president in a Baracklyn Cyclones jersey.

--> The team's "economic stimulus plan" will roll back ticket prices to what they were in 2001.

--> Promoting universal healthcare, the first 1,000 fans inside will receive free Band-Aids.

--> Anyone named Barack will get in for free. Anyone named McCain or Palin, in a gesture of "Bi-Partisan Consolation," will receive a free bleacher seat. Anyone named Joe who happens to work as a plumber will get two free tickets, one for him and one for a friend in order to "spread the wealth."

--> Finally, the Cyclones will offer fans a "clear-cut Exit Strategy;" all fans will receive American flags and discount coupons upon leaving the ballpark.

Now that's why they call it the American pasttime. I wish I had come up with all those puns, but amazingly the team's management was clever enough to create the ideas for this fantastic event all on its own.

Richardson: Facial Hair Would Have Saved Me!

2009-01-11T00:25:00.005-05:00

Sadly, last week the Obama Administration lost its first member to scandal. Governor Bill Richardson withdrew as the presumptive Commerce Secretary, choosing instead to face ethics scrutiny at home instead of drawing a new president into his mess. The FBI, apparently on a corrupt Democrat bender, is investigating Richardson for a supposed pay-to-play scheme that allowed a wealthy donor to win a lucrative state contract.

It does certainly seem as if the FBI is focused on the Democratic Party right now after almost a decade of bringing to light tons of corrupt Republican schemes. Does this mean that the GOP has finally rid itself of corruption? ....Ha. My theory is that the FBI has taken it upon itself to become a 4th branch of government (apologies to Dick Cheney), acting as a check against whichever party happens to be in charge.

Obama regretted but accepted Richardson's sudden departure, especially since Richardson has a propensity for growing entertaining facial hair that Obama simply can't. By the way, the politics of beardliness is one of the more interesting topics out there, and one that might be applicable to this humble blogger if I were to someday run for something (perhaps the need to shave is itself a deterrent).

In fact, Richardson reportedly cited his lack of beardliness as the primary reason for his exit. Much as longtime New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner banned facial hair on his team, service for Obama seemed to also demand that Richardson shave his "I'm not running for President anymore" beard. Of course, much like with the Yankees, the move seems to have lowered team chemistry, ultimately leading to Richardson's falling out. Obama was reportedly heard screaming at Richardson as he left Washington, "I thought I told you to shave those sideburns!"

Best of luck to you, Governor. May you be proven innocent and not instead be forced to back your own party into a corner by appointing a legitimate Senate candidate who no one wants to allow in and who immediately turns the situation into a race war as the candidate stands in the pouring rain and carves his accomplishments presumptively onto his mausoleum, all while you give press conferences quoting dead poets all while declaring your innocence which contradicts concrete evidence supplied by the FBI... Damn it, I've been trying not to mention Blagojevich; the jokes are simply too easy and all the best ones have already been used by Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert (although if that was my normal standard for this blog, I simply wouldn't write at all).

A Tale of Three Chairmen - Democratic Leaders Have 33% Unemployment Rate

2009-01-09T19:51:00.004-05:00

--> President-elect Barack Obama named a new chairman of the Democratic National Committee on Thursday, selecting former running-mate contender and current Virginia Governor Tim Kaine to lead the party into a new era. Kaine's appeal, both as a potential VP and now as fellow party leader, is that he shares Obama's "pragmatic progressive" ideology, a liberal at heart but one who acknowledges harsh economic/military realities. Kaine is also an energetic, young rising star of the party, and one that will hopefully be able to capitalize on Obama's successes and create a lasting Democratic Party movement.

--> In acknowledging Kaine's strengths, Obama paid tribute to the leadership of outgoing party chairman Howard Dean, whose 50-state strategy was instrumental in creating a Democratic majority in Congress, and which paved the way for Obama's large margin of victory in November. Oddly, Dean was not present at the ceremony, opting instead to visit American Samoa (obviously in an attempt to woo that crucial voting bloc).

For all that Obama has chosen to pursue and hire experienced Democratic leaders, the former Vermont governor has gone noticably snubbed. Passed over for a Cabinet post (Health and Human Services), an advisory position, or a party leadership position, Dean seems to have been left out in the cold (no pun intended on the God-forsaken winter wasteland that he represented for 12 years). Of course, this after he was the favorite for the Democratic Party presidential nomination for several months leading up to the 2004 race, but missed out on both the White House and a running mate slot. What could he have possibly done wrong?

Is he still being punished for that yell? Did one moment of excitement and enthusiasm, in an election year of Democratic candidates that made Dick Cheney look like James Brown, ruin Dean's political future? I certainly hope not. More likely, Dean simply didn't fit into Obama's plans, and gets some much deserved vacation time for a few years.

--> Or Dean could choose to take a more active route as a former DNC Chairman. Terry McAuliffe certainly isn't taking things lying down. After months of parading around cable news networks declaring Hillary Clinton's inevitable victory (even in the hours before she conceded), McAuliffe has chosen to apply his insurmountable confidence to his own political aspirations, announcing his intention to succeed Tim Kaine and become the next Governor of Virginia.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Terry McAuliffe

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

McAuliffe, deservingly known as a political figure who is quick to bluster and spout overconfidence, kicked off his campaign on Thursday, then declared victory this morning while urging his opponents to concede. McAuliffe's aides announced a planned swearing-in ceremony at the state capitol tomorrow afternoon, and bragged about McAuliffe's amazing (but impending) gubernatorial record of job creation, healthcare reform, and his incredible negotiation that led to a permanent solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. McAuliffe also guaranteed that he would be the starting shortstop for the Washington Nationals by 2014.

I truly do enjoy how circular all these paths are. Dean goes from governor of Vermont to presidential candidate to DNC chairman to unemployed; Kaine goes from governor of Virginia to DNC chairman; McAuliffe goes from DNC chairman to staffer for a presidential candidate to (potentially) governor of Virginia. I think I can discern their next moves: Dean needs to move to Virginia and then work for a presidential candidate; McAuliffe needs to run for President and then become a doctor; I think Kaine should try skiing...nah, this is too confusing.

The Doctor is In!

2009-01-09T13:25:00.004-05:00

--> I must admit, President-elect Obama's (unannounced) choice of Dr. Sanjay Gupta as the next United States Surgeon-General has me atwitter. Gupta has a powerful public presence, having invited himself into Americans' living rooms for years as chief medical correspondent on CNN, and he brings to the job a wide range of expertise.

Gupta will apparently be tasked with helping HHS Secretary Daschle craft the administration's healthcare policy as Obama and his party prepare a major push towards universal healthcare. He also provides Obama with a very adept spokesperson who could appear on the news networks to promote White House policy.

However, Gupta's past might indicate that he will not instantaneously be a darling of the left. In 2006 he publicly opposed referenda in Colorado and Nevada that would have decriminalized small amounts of marijuana. He wrote, "I suspect that most of the people eager to vote yes on the new ballot measures aren't suffering from glaucoma, Alzheimer's or chemo-induced nausea. Many of them just want to get stoned legally. That's why I, like many other doctors, am unimpressed with the proposed legislation, which would legalize marijuana irrespective of any medical condition." Interestingly, he also mentions that smoking pot should be banned because of its health risks. Does that suggest a ban on smoking might be next? What about alcohol? Video games? Michael Bay movies?

Speaking of movies, Gupta's most notable public controversy to date was his heated battle with filmmaker Michael Moore, as Gupta accused (erroneously, I might add) Moore of fudging facts in his healthcare documentary, Sicko.

Gupta later apologized for having gotten his facts wrong, but his hostility towards Moore's pro-universal healthcare agenda might be grounds for some concern by Democrats.

Paul Krugman raised the issue as cause for worry about Gupta in an editorial for the New York Times on Tuesday.

Personally, I don't think it matters. If Gupta was being appointed film critic-general, then maybe I would take issue with his treatment of Sicko. But criticism of Michael Moore is hardly a good enough reason to disqualify someone from government service - attacking him is sadly almost a national pasttime. I'll simply have to hope that Gupta was merely outside of his element, reporting on movie ethics and not actually criticizing Moore's position on healthcare reform.

Clowns to the Left, Jokers to the Right - Hannity Returns and So Do I!

2009-01-09T12:49:00.003-05:00

Sorry for the delay, folks. I was planning on setting up a satellite office for this blog in Tel Aviv, but it fell through due to an unscheduled ground invasion/portent of the apocalypse. Back to work here in the U.S. of A.

--> I know that my readership, all of whom are devoted followers of FOX News programming, has felt lost and confused during the past couple of weeks as both of their most compelling news sources suddenly disappeared. While I took a short hiatus, pundit-extraordinaire Sean Hannity, seen here getting verbally pummeled by incoming White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, also went off the air, recovering from the sudden, tragic departure of long-time colleague and human punching bag Alan Colmes. Colmes represented the "left" perspective on Hannity & Colmes, which is roughly the same as having Herbert Hoover represent the fascist movement at a Communist Party congress - it doesn't make sense and accomplishes nothing because no one cares what he has to say. Colmes' departure was lovingly by Hall & Oates and the Daily Show team:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Hall & Oates Pay Tribute to Alan Colmes

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Hannity returns to the air on Monday no longer constrained by being required to offer multiple perspectives. The remodeled show will feature a panel called the "Great American Panel," the name appropriately reflecting FOX's massive superiority complex. The first episode will feature three professional, moderate voices:

Representing the Left: Reverend Al Sharpton, most recently seen pouting that Obama gets to be the first black president and not him.

Representing the Right: Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann (R-MN), most recently seen channeling Joe McCarthy and demanding an investigation into her colleagues who are potentially "un-American."

Representing the Middle: Meat Loaf, most recently seen admonishing a prepubescent Jack Black in the opening scene of the Tenacious D movie.

Apparently, Hannity expects Meat Loaf to talk about politics. He'd be better off with meatloaf as his third panelist.

You won't want to miss this. And yes, you can count this as the first time that this blog (or this blogger) has ever positively endorsed FOX News programming.

Happy New Year!

2008-12-31T19:02:00.002-05:00

One year ago, Barack Obama was a distant challenger to the Clinton juggernaut. John McCain was dead in the water, seemingly unable to compete with the heavyweights like Giuliani, Huckabee, and Romney. No one had heard of Sarah Palin. Other things that were different at the start of 2008:

We had also never considered to what extent rural Americans cling to their weapons and their faith.
We might have thought that Scranton was not a hell hole.
We were not intimately familiar with how many houses the McCains own, nor who Senator Obama's preacher was.
We assumed that the town of Unity, New Hampshire had just picked a silly name for their community.
Our country only had one presidential seal.
The Iraq War was going to decide this race.
Bloomberg was seen as a serious presidential contender who could reshape the electoral landscape.
Team of Rivals was just another book.
Three untalented, unattractive women had not yet discovered their penchant for describing McCain-centric lyrics with weird green screen effects.
Hillary Clinton was a divisive figure, hated by most non-Democrats and far from a national symbol of female empowerment.
None of us could pronounce or spell Blagojevich.
Tim Russert still hosted Meet the Press every Sunday morning.
Fist bumps were in no way associated with terrorist activity.
The New Yorker didn't face accusations of racism and bigotry.
Our leaders hadn't yet accused us of whining about the economic crisis.
Our President had not yet come face to face with flying footwear.
Caroline Kennedy was the private Kennedy who didn't want to get involved in national politics.
Barack Obama's testicles were not in danger because of Jesse Jackson.
The public only knew about one of Vito Fossella's families.
None of us had considered whether Russia was visible from American territory.
Small town mayors didn't consider their presidential prospects.
Bill Richardson was beardless.
John Edwards had a political future.
Arugula was not a political issue.
The idea of George W. Bush fighting desperately against his own party and against every Capitalist ideal imaginable was laughable at best.
The idea of George W. Bush giving corporate CEOs even more money was, I suppose, less laughable.
Eliot Spitzer was still the governor of New York State and had a bright future.
Ted Stevens was not awaiting the prospect of spending his final days in prison.
There weren't "real" parts of America.
Joe the Plumber was just a plumber.
John McCain was still seen as a maverick.

And, of course, hope and change did not appear to be imminent. With the Bush years coming to a rapid close, and 4 years of Democratic leadership waiting in the wings, here's hoping that 2009 will be a year to remember.

Have a safe night!

Science! Science Again!

2008-12-21T21:39:00.026-05:00

President-elect Obama recently selected the new administration's primary science advisers, and the selections signal a dramatic turn from the Bush Administration's perspective that science can tell us whatever our politics want it to.

--> For all the lip-service that every national politician gives to making America competitive in science and technology, Obama's choices actually follow through on that priority. Harvard physicist John Holdren will become the director of the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy while marine biologist Jane Lubchenco will head the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. Holdren will be joined by former National Institute of Health director Harold Varmus and MIT professor Eric Lander as co-chairs of Obama's Council of Advisers on Science and Technology.

The choices, especially Holdren, signal an increased desire to focus national energies on combating global warming. A couple of years ago, Holdren told the BBC that “it is too late for avoiding dangerous climate change. We must focus now on avoiding catastrophic climate change.” Obviously, President Obama and his advisers believe that this is inevitable:

Thankfully, Obama also appointed this guy as a science advisor. He's our only hope:

--> Meanwhile, Obama announced his new Secretary of Energy: Steven Chu. Chu is a historic, barrier-breaking pick: the first Nobel laureate selected to a presidential cabinet. (Is anyone else annoyed that NO federal government has felt the need to employ the smartest people they could find?) He also signals a major shift in the role of the Department of Energy, focusing on green technologies and renewable energy instead of the traditional attention paid to nuclear waste.

By the way, Chu's Nobel Prize was won in 1997 for his work "trapping atoms with lasers," which will no doubt come in handy as a member of Obama's Cabinet. So will his ability to teach himself how to pole vault. At least that makes up for his being basically the only Cabinet appointment that isn't a basketball player.

In fact, the quotes attributed to him in the afore-linked article are hysterical. Among them, he suggests a hypothetical involving him as "emperor," explains that he had no idea what the significance of having trapped an atom was (that makes two of us), and much much more.

Up next time: an obvious James Bond pun, an easy Star Trek reference, a Cabinet member from "La Hood," and a slamdunk of an Education Secretary.

Team Obama: The Farmer and the Cowman Should Be Friends

2008-12-20T15:03:00.021-05:00

Former Governor Tom Vilsack (D-IA) - Secretary of Agriculture

Fully convinced of the "team of rivals" philosophy, Obama decided to pick yet another former primary opponent for a prominent role in his cabinet. Vilsack will have a powerful voice in shaping policies for rural America, and his prominence, combined with fellow Iowan Senator Tom Harkin's chairmanship of the Senate Agriculture Committee, will put Iowa's interests - namely Ethanol - front and center. Just over a year ago, Vilsack was considered one of the front-runners for the presidential nomination; now, he joins his fellow front-runners Clinton, Richardson, and Biden in prominent roles advising a president less experienced than all of them. Just like Lincoln did it.

Senator Ken Salazar (D-CO) - Secretary of the Interior

A rising star in the party, Salazar was the second Hispanic politician named to Obama's cabinet. He, like Vilsack and much of the rest of the cabinet, has a reputation for being a moderate, and has been relatively open to trying new solutions for domestic energy supplies. And yes, that's him in the cowboy hat. But unlike Bush, he has a 100-year family heritage of ranchers. The combination of these two gives the western United States a powerful voice in shaping energy policies in this country for the next few years.

Also, this appointment creates yet another Senate vacancy to be filled by a Democratic governor. For those keeping score, that's now Illinois, New York, Delaware, and Colorado. It seems like all those positions have their own intrigue surrounding the governors' decisions. Illinois is obviously a fascinating example of governing gone wrong. New York's Governor Paterson wants to replace a female member of a Democratic political dynasty with another dynasty, either female (Caroline Kennedy) or male (Andrew Cuomo). Finally, Delaware's governor appointed a Biden ally so that Biden's son could run in two years. Politics is certainly an insider's game, and I am not sure what this will spell for Colorado (perhaps Harrison knows something about this).

Here's the guy who gets to make this decision. I'm sure he's thankful that the New York Post and the Daily News don't have circulation in Denver.

Department of Irony

2008-12-20T11:16:00.006-05:00

Outgoing Vice-President Dick Cheney had some ridiculous advice for incoming Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel. In a private meeting between Emanuel, current White House Chief of Staff Josh Bolten and 13 prior holders of the office (including Cheney), Cheney insisted to Emanuel that his most important job will be to "keep your VP under control."

It's a shame Cheney didn't share that sage wisdom with Bolten or his predecessor Andrew Card when they first took office. Or perhaps Cheney's 8-year term as VP has merely been a post-modern critique of the office - a real world thought experiment designed to prove his theory about the dangers of a powerful vice-president.

Well, I'd say we've all learned our lesson.

Baby You Can Drive Their Cars, And Maybe We'll Give Them $17.4 Billion Anyway

2008-12-20T10:35:00.011-05:00

In a dramatic move of "abandoning free-market principles in order to save the free market," the Bush Administration has completely circumvented the southern Republicans that rejected the bipartisan auto bailout, and used the President's remaining executive authority to direct a $17.4 billion bailout to GM and Chrysler in order to avoid the complete collapse of the American economy. The money was given with the understanding that the companies can create a business plan that will save them; otherwise, they have to pay the loans back immediately.

Supporters of the plan claim that the negative effects of a collapse of these companies would ripple throughout the market, causing untold damage to American workers.

Much of the GOP's leadership has actually turned on their president over the issue, criticizing him over the lack of accountability about how the funds will be distributed. Senator John McCain (R-AZ...perhaps you've heard of him?) is actually leading the charge, arguing....

Oh wait, I don't have to care what that guy says anymore.

It does just go to show you how strange this economic crisis has become; we have President Bush allying himself with the Democratic leadership against the party Maverick, the GOP base, and a bunch of southern senators whose states do more business with foreign automakers than domestic ones.

Duck and Weave, Mr. President!

2008-12-14T16:16:00.032-05:00

Time for another addition of:

This Guy is Still Our President??

Today, our champion faces off against his most powerful foe yet - an irate Iraqi journalist and his footwear.

During a press conference with the Iraqi Prime Minister, President Bush was probably hoping for a goodbye present of some kind. After all, this was his final tour of the country whose destiny has been forever altered by his presidency. Some day, little Iraqi schoolchildren may learn about King George III of America (yes, our third president named George - there is no other connotation of that nickname) and how he led them from bondage to civil war.

Well, one Iraqi journalist, celebrating his newly discovered civil liberties, took the phrase "freedom of the press" a bit too literally, and flung his shoes in anger, one after the other, at the leader of the free world after yelling "this is the end." A bit of an odd phrase, but clearly those Nike sneakers had been irritating his heel long enough.

I will start by asserting my disappointment with the President's security team. How is it that a screaming man has the time to throw, not one, but two objects at the President of the United States before he is brought down by, and I'm not sure because the camera angle isn't great, either the Secret Service or his fellow reporters. God forbid those were acid-tipped uggs. I'm grateful that this man wasn't able to bring anything dangerous into this press conference, but it still concerns me that he was unstopped for a good five seconds.

Secondly, I want to admonish this clearly unstable reporter. I understand that Bush press conferences can be really frustrating. Let's face it: every word that comes out of the man's mouth is either poorly worded, a lie, or both. But throwing your shoes is not the answer! I'm sure Brian Williams has had to fight the urge to throw his clothing at President Bush, too. (In fact, I'm pretty sure that there will be many people who want to throw their clothing at President Obama - the favorite to be voted People Magazine's Sexiest President 2009.) But your American counterparts have been able to control themselves for these past eight years. As a member of the press, your role is to not challenge the President in any way; take a lesson from our U.S. media coverage, and just sit there and nod. If necessary, plug your ears. At least you have it easy - you don't understand the language that he is butchering.

In addition, as you can see the above video, MSNBC's analyst manages to explain the incident by pointing out that the man clearly meant to insult President Bush, because in Arab culture, the sole of the shoe is considered an insult. Hmm, here I was thinking that throwing something at the President of another country is an insult in itself.

Also, appreciate the intense stoicism of the Iraqi official next to Bush. Nary a flinch during the initial onslaught, and then a half-hearted swat at the second shoe.

Finally, I was deeply impressed by President Bush here. Calling on his intensive martial arts training, Bush was able to avoid this calculated attack. The first shoe - aimed directly at his face - flies by harmlessly as the President ducks down and darts to the left. George Foreman himself would be proud. The second shoe again comes towards Bush's face, but Bush takes a different approach with that one. Shielding his eyes like a Texas Rangers outfielder blocking out the sun searching for a fly ball, Bush ducks the second attack as well. Great reflexes.

Sadly, the Bush Administration did not escape unharmed - as you can hear in the above video, apparently White House Press Secretary Dana Perino was hit in the face with a microphone during the scuffle, which resulted in a black eye. Although lying just as much, she's at least been easier on the eyes than her predecessor, and so we wish her a speedy recovery.

There is literally no way that this presidency could get any weirder.

Beset on All Sides By the Iniquities of the Selfish and the Tyranny of Evil Men

2008-12-09T15:55:00.008-05:00

There is no red corruption or blue corruption, there is only the United States of Corruption.

Illinois state politics have long been considered a breeding ground for ill-intentioned politicians. Indeed, I think it was Abraham Lincoln who famously said of Chicago, "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

Governor Rod Blagojevich (D-IL) was arrested by the FBI this morning along with his chief of staff John Harris as the result of a major corruption investigation. Firstly, let me breathe a sigh of relief that I won't have to spell that name again in a political context any time soon. Secondly, I noticed that CNN this morning pointed out the oddity of the FBI coming and arresting the governor rather than allowing him to turn himself in. One reporter actually considered that the move may indicate that the FBI thought Blagojevich was a flight risk. I think we can all picture a high-speed highway chase with news copters overhead following an unmarked black limo driven by the governor and his chief of staff. Actually, I think this is probably how this was more likely to end:

So, what exactly did the honorable governor do wrong? Well...

--> Federal prosecutors allege that Blagojevich, holding sole power to appoint President-elect Obama's successor to the U.S. Senate (a perk he considered "f-ing golden"), planned on selling the seat to the highest bidder, in exchange for contributions to his personal finances, or government/private-sector job offers. Apparently, Blagojevich initially approached the Obama transition team, offering to appoint aide and close friend Valerie Jarrett to the seat, if Obama in turn would make him Secretary of Health and Human Services. Team Obama told him "no chance," and Jarrett was appointed to a senior White House position.

The governor didn't take too kindly to rejection, and spewed a stream of expletives in Obama's direction in a conference call with top aides and his wife on November 11th, complaining, "But they’re not willing to give me anything except appreciation. F—k them."

--> The investigation revealed that Blagojevich was actually more interested in money than power. He had grown weary of his government position, and was concerned about his personal finances more than anything else. He even planned on attempting to rope Warren Buffett and Bill Gates into this plan in order to get money from them to fill his pockets.

--> Blagojevich also threatened the Tribune Company, which owns the Chicago Tribune and the Chicago Cubs, to withhold state financial assistance for their sale of the Cubs unless the Tribune fired members of its editorial board that had criticized the governor in recent months.

If you want to read the entire federal complaint, enjoy our open system of due process here.

Also, here's a great article on how his mind works (or doesn't). Ben Smith notes that, through all of this, Blagojevich still had designs of running for President in 8 years. What a nut...

Speaking of which, on this case is United States Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald. Political aficionados already know of Fitzgerald for his vocal role in the Scooter Libby trial. His press conferences are always a joy, and this one was no exception. A highlight reel of his statements this morning include:

"a political corruption crime spree"
"The conduct would make Lincoln roll over in his grave"
"a truly new low," as Fitzgerald explained that Blagojevich wasn't against the corrupt deal for the Senate seat, he was against "being stiffed in the corrupt deal."

On the state of Illinois, FBI special agent Robert Grant said: "If it isn't the most corrupt state in the United States, it's certainly one hell of a competitor. Even the most cynical agents in our office were shocked."

--> As a nice touch on this story, it would appear that Rahm Emanuel himself may have been behind the tip that led federal investigators to step up their inquiry into Blagojevich's corruption.

--> One would assume that Lieutenant Governor Pat Quinn will eventually take over the governorship. In the mean time, the Illinois state constitution mandates that the sitting governor still has the sole authority to appoint a Senate replacement.

However, that could change. Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL) and Illinois State Senate President Emil Jones have both called for the state legislature to pass a law allowing a public special election to fill the seat instead. If this happens, it opens up Republicans to compete for Obama's old seat as well, something that many Democrats probably won't be too happy about. However, given the strength of the GOP's last competitor for the seat, we should be fine.

Actually, I'm going on record as supporting this special election idea - mostly because I'd love to see Alan Keyes run a campaign again. Here's why. And here. Also here, as he gets arrested trying to break into a primary debate to which he wasn't invited. By the way, that second one is my personal favorite, largely because it seems to run against the McCain campaign assertion that Obama is Christ.

--> And just to continue our running series on ridiculous stupidity on the part of elected officials, our favorite Staten Island Republican Vito Fossella was sent to jail for five days. Don't remember who he is? EDC has you covered.

Team Obama's Prosecutor, The Prosecuted, and the Racial Walls Coming Crashing Down!

2008-12-08T22:08:00.003-05:00

Cabinet updates have been slow in coming, and for that I'd like to begin making amends.

Eric Holder - Attorney General.

Holder, formerly a Deputy Attorney General under President Clinton, is another Washington insider that Obama has added to his team of change and fresh-thinking. Also a graduate of Columbia (undergrad and law), Holder is well respected among both parties with the exception of the one dark mark on his resume. In the final day of the Clinton presidency, he played a significant role in the controversial pardoning of fugitive financier Mark Rich, an event that he has taken significant criticism for. However, supporters point to his lifelong devotion to non-partisan integrity, noting that he actually pushed Attorney General Janet Reno to expand Kenneth Starr's investigation to include Monica Lewinsky - a move that led directly to the impeachment of a Democratic president.

But don't doubt his radical, liberal credentials. As a freshman at Columbia College, he joined an uprising that successfully invaded the R.O.T.C. headquarters on campus armed with pillows and sheets. Of course, he'll now be the person in charge of prosecuting anyone who did something like that.

Let's not forget that Eric Holder will become the first African-American attorney general in U.S. history. This would be big news if a much larger racial barrier hadn't just been broken - Obama appointing African Americans to his administration almost seems like an afterthought, while for all past presidents there has been an enormous focus on racial diversity.

--> And speaking of racial barriers, a hearty, bi-partisan congratulations is in order for Congressman-elect Anh "Joe" Cao (R-LA). Aided by low turnout and an embattled Democratic incumbent who was literally caught with $90,000 stuffed in his freezer, Cao became the first American of Vietnamese descent (actually fled the Communists when he was eight) to win a seat in Congress. He considers himself a moderate, and seems open to rational argument; we couldn't be prouder. (Also a plus to have a cute kid.)

--> And speaking of corrupt Democratic congressmen and Columbia University (see how this comes full circle), the news just keeps getting worse for Representative Charles Rangel (D-NY), one of the most senior members of the Democratic caucus and representative of Columbia and the surrounding areas. Apparently, Rangel has spent the last 4 years directing $80,000 in campaign money to his son's internet company in order to design two websites that were reportedly so poorly made that they should have cost no more than $100. Rangel has not had the best year of his career so far, and it probably won't be very long before he loses his gavel.

That's all for tonight. Some juicy stuff for you tomorrow or Wednesday.

A Newer Deal!

2008-12-08T00:17:00.008-05:00

You'd think from my last couple of posts that there wasn't much major news in the past few days. Of course, I just need to build back up some stamina.

President-elect Barack Obama unveiled a major portion of his economic agenda on Saturday, pledging a massive investment in infrastructure across the United States as a way of stimulating economic growth. He also upped his guarantee of job creation to a whopping 2.5 million in the next two years - an enormous challenge by anyone's count. Among the key points of his plan:

--> rebuilding and improving roads and bridges
--> a massive campaign/investment to make public buildings more energy efficient
--> modernizing and upgrading school buildings - including new computers
--> strengthening our broadband investment to improve internet access
--> modernizing the healthcare system by featuring electronic medical records

I guess he's certainly embracing the mantle of "tax and spend," which will no doubt be thrown against him, and every successive liberal who runs for office, by the Republican Party. Thankfully, it's a much better plan than "cut taxes but spend anyway."

Unfortunately, the "tax" portion of the plan might not be as quick in coming as we'd like it to be. First, aides to the President-elect had recently suggested that Obama's pledge to repeal the outrageous Bush tax cuts for the wealthy may be indefinitely delayed, as a tax hike on anyone in this economic climate could be a recipe for further instability. Now, it appears that the proposal to institute a windfall profits tax on oil companies may be shelved as well. The justification seems to be that the price of oil has dropped so much that these companies are no longer making those ridiculous profits.

We'll see how this plays out, but we might lay these down as the first (of what will hopefully be few) broken promises of the new administration.

The Eight Most Dreaded Words in the English Language are No Longer: The Vice-President's Office is on the Phone

2008-12-07T20:28:00.005-05:00

It's time to check in on our good friend, Fightin' Joe Biden, CWVF's favorite holder of the bucket of piss.

Indications seem to be that he will not, in fact, be like his predecessor.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) told the Las Vegas Sun that VP Biden will be barred from internal Senate deliberations, reestablishing the traditional independence of the legislative branch from the office of the Vice-President. Thankfully, he won't have to butt heads with the "4th branch" to get his wish. Biden seems perfectly happy with the role of presidential advisor and Senate tie-breaker, and will respect tradition and Congressional independence.

I'm still having trouble coming to terms with a White House that respects the law. I wish that I wasn't so impressed by such an obvious decision. I'll give the Obama White House about three months before I'm no longer impressed by them simply by comparison of the worst administration in history.

Out With Clinton, In With Kennedy? New York Switching Dynasties!

2008-12-07T12:57:00.005-05:00

With all eyes in New York focused on Hillary Clinton's soon-to-be vacant Senate seat, a new contender has emerged to try for the title. Caroline Kennedy, daughter of President John F. Kennedy, niece of Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA), niece of former New York Senator Robert F. Kennedy, cousin of Robert F. Kennedy Jr., has apparently informed Governor David Paterson that she is interested in the job.

It remains to be seen if Paterson agrees that she is the right person, or that she has the political stamina to run in a special election in 2010 and then for reelection in 2012, but it is known that Paterson would like to appoint another woman to replace Clinton. Ted Kennedy, for his part, appears eager to push Caroline into a position of power.

Caroline is a very interesting figure, having rejected her family's political heirloom throughout her entire life until Obama's candidacy attracted her attention and her vehement public support, writing a brilliant op-ed for the New York Times that passed her father's mantle of hope to this newcomer from Illinois.

She also followed Barack Obama's educational path, just in reverse order - Harvard undergrad followed by Columbia Law.

Obama certainly wouldn't mind having such a committed ally in the Senate, and the Democratic establishment is certainly partial to the Kennedy name (remains the most popular political family in America - no offense to George, George, and Jeb).

We'll see how this turns out. It would certainly make for one more compelling page in the Kennedy narrative.

Format Shift and a Not-So-Formal Picture

2008-12-07T12:49:00.004-05:00

Attention readers:

As much as I have enjoyed (and I know you have, as well) my long entries on this blog and its predecessor, I have come to the conclusion that the blog is not sustainable as long as I continue to hold myself to that standard of several stories per post. I don't have the time to sit down and compose long entries while I am at college. Thus, I will be making a fundamental change in how we do business here. Posts will be rapid fire - short, single-story posts that occur much more frequently than you're used to.

Look for the first of what will no doubt be many in the coming hours and days.

Meanwhile, enjoy Obama speechwriter Jon Favreau "posing" with a cardboard version of incoming Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. He has since apologized.

This is what we get for allowing a campaign of Facebook users into the White House.

Amazing

2008-12-04T12:41:00.003-05:00

Real post to come soon. In the mean time, enjoy the star-studded cast of Prop 8 - The Musical.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

As you naturally try to catch all the stars that are briefly thrown at you in this video, try also to focus on how fantastic this thing is. I would also like to point out that ANYTHING featuring Neil Patrick Harris singing must be amazing.

Obama Won't Tell, and Hillary Versus the Constitution!

2008-11-27T22:41:00.022-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I haven't posted in a while; and I figured that while I digest and relax after my family departed, I could update you on the world of politics.

--> Senator Clinton's impending appointment to head the State Department appears to be in some doubt, at least according to some constitutional scholars. Apparently, some document has a few rules that suggest, rather directly, that she may not be allowed to serve in the position. The Constitution clearly states that no member of Congress can be appointed to a civil office if the salary for said office has been increased during that representative's current term. Matthew Berger notes that salaries for cabinet members have gone up in the past year, and wonders how many U.S. senators would be willing to actively vote contrary to the explicit values of the Constitution. Given past history (99 voting for the USA PATRIOT Act), I'd guess 99% will have no problem with it.

--> On the policy front, President-elect Obama certainly owes a lot to the left side of his party, who will expect him to follow through on certain key issue areas. As a major lobby in the Democratic Party, Labor has been less than thrilled with Obama's economic focus in the past couple of weeks. Expressing disappointment that the choice for Secretary of Labor was not among his prominent economic appointments this week, labor leaders across the country are hoping that they will have a much more prominent seat at the table in the Obama Administration. Ben Smith (who has lost his counterpart as Jonathan Martin tragicall y committed "blogicide") goes over Labor's prospects for access to the next p resident, and what they expect him to do.

--> Another promise that the Left expects Obama to follow through on is his expected repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Unconfirmed reports from his camp suggest that he may delay the issue until 2010, avoiding a controversial subject that would sap a lot of political good will from across the aisle. However, others in his team have vehemently denied that as purely rumor. If anyone who reads this blog is still undecided about the topic, go watch the West Wing episode that deals with it. Hopefully, President Obama will have the courage to defy any poll numbers that might dissuade him, and do what is morally right.

--> Meanwhile, the architect of the Democratic Revolution in the U.S. Senate, which brought their seat total from 45 seats in 2004 to 58 (with two more possible) today, has decided to lay down his sword, and go back to being an average, humble United States Senator. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) has stepped down as head of the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee, but the title won't travel far; Senator Bob Menendez (D-NJ) will be taking over, thanks to his reputation as a prodigious fundraiser. It will be all but impossible for Menendez to repeat Schumer's unprecedented success, but his role will more likely be to hold his ground and not let the Republicans take away this large Democratic majority.

On behalf of liberals and Democrats everywhere, I'd like to thank Senator Schumer for a job extremely well done. Now, hopefully he can be a powerful legislative force for good in the next Congress.

--> And in lighter news, President-elect Obama undertakes his first presidential crusade - to keep his Blackberry. Good luck to him.

--> Of course, this brings us to another edition of everyone's favorite never-ending series...

United States White House: 2009 - 2012

The Players:

The Institutional Memory - Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. For at least the first year of Obama's presidency, he has chosen to keep on at least one member of George W. Bush's team. Despite running against the current president, his legacy, and his entire administration for the last 20 months, Obama has actually made a relatively pragmatic decision here that will no doubt infuriate a good portion of his base (starting to notice a pattern here?).

For all that Gates has supported the War in Iraq, he is someone who has been involved in the conflict, and will be able to give Obama another perspective on the war than the rest of his crew. As the West Wing teaches us (starting to notice yet another pattern here?), experience in the previous White House is invaluable to a new president. Obama cannot remake the wheel and (as much as we'd all like to) pretend that the last eight years never happened. He has to work within the existing framework, and there is no better way to create a smooth transition than with Gates, who most Democrats admit has done a pretty decent job since taking over for this guy.

The Surgeon - Budget Director and head of the White House Office of Ma nagement and Budget Peter Orszag. As per Obama's repeated debate answer about using a scalpel to trim the federal budget, Orszag will be the guy who actually goes through the budget line-by-line. The Wall Street Journal mentions that Orszag enjoys cowboy boots, and I involuntarily shuddered at the thought of someone still wearing those in the White House.

The...Economist - Chairman of the White House Council of Economic Advisors Paul Volcker. I'd just like to say something from my own personal perspective as a blogger. It's all well and good that Obama is putting so much effort into getting fantastic economic advice from all these well-informed sources - former Fed chairmen and what-have-you. However, it's getting increasingly difficult to come up with remotely interesting nicknames for all these fairly redundant positions.

That being off my chest, Volcker has been advising Obama for months now, and is a great choice for the position. More importantly, this newly-formed board of experts is a terrific way to get a lot of educated advice into the White House.

The Scribe - Director of Speechwriting Jon Favreau. Favreau may be best known for his work as the director/producer of Iron Man and his performance as Tony Stark's bodyguard in said superhero movie. However, it turns out that Favreau has also been taking a turn as Obama's primary speechwriter for the past four years. At least, one wishes that they were the same person. Favreau has had an enormous impact on all of Obama's public statements since he got to the Senate, and his place in the White House offers additional assurance that the American people will be treated to an eloquent leader (for once).

--> Finally, in a non-White House move, the Delaware Senate controversy has finally resolved itself. By state law, the Governor of Delaware would appoint Joe Biden's Senate replacement as soon as Biden left his seat. However, Biden had reportedly been hesitant to do so, because he wanted assurance that his replacement would vacate the position after two years, in time for his son Beau (the state's Attorney General) to return home from Iraq and assume his father's throne. Supposedly, the out-going Governor Ruth Ann Minner was hesitant to appoint a place-holder, and so Biden's plan was to hold onto his seat until January 20th, have the new governor take his oath of office ASAP, and then have the new governor appoint his replacement.

Well, thankfully that ridiculousness has been avoided. Minner has named Ted Kaufman, a long time friend and advisor to Vice-President-Elect Joe Biden, as his replacement. Kaufman will loyally serve the next two years as a marching-orders vote for the VP in the Senate, and then step aside for Beau. All in the spirit of Thanksgiving...

That Cliched Part of the Movie Where the Whole Team Comes Together for the Greater Good!

2008-11-22T09:34:00.011-05:00

Welcome back, and I apologize for the delay - two big papers to write (am still writing, but that's another story) sort of slowed me down. However, there is so much to get to, I simply couldn't stay away, knowing how much you all need me. So, let's get to it...

--> I must admit, the recent leaks of Obama's Cabinet choices have me a little giddy. Let's assemble our crew: (note - all of the following are leaks and rumors, not yet confirmed/officially announced)

United States White House: 2009-2012

The Players:

The Begrudging Ally - Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. After all the rumors (VP??? 3rd Party?? 2012?? 2016??), Clinton has reportedly given in and agreed to take the most powerful diplomatic post in the Obama regime. As a native New Yorker, I'd like to thank her for her hard work on our behalf, and wish her the best of luck. As an American, I am thrilled to have someone who can seem so nice but be so terrifying as the person negotiating with dictators and despots.

If the government were an action movie, then Hillary is the character that seems like he/she is not happy with their role in the team, and could potentially turn on the leader of the group. Some examples:

In this model, Hillary doesn't betray the team, but ends up learning to respect the leader who she originally doubted so much. They bury the hatchet and decide to kill terrorists together.

In this model, Hillary decides that her personal ambitions would be better suited in the Republican Party; just before the 2012 race, she abandons her Cabinet post, switches parties, offs Bill, and gives the Republican nominee all the inside dirt on Obama they need to shoot...err, defeat him electorally.

In this model, Hillary comes to the realization that the responsibility of the highest office in the land is too much for a newb like Obama. She tries to unseat him in a heated primary battle in 2012, but is ultimately turned into a pin-cushion by Republican forces who rediscover their former zeal for hating her.

Which do you think Secretary Clinton will follow? Check out the poll in the right-hand column to decide...

The Wunderkind - Secretary of the Treasury Timothy Geithner. Potentially one of the youngest heads of the Treasury in U.S. history, what Geithner lacks in wrinkles he makes up for in brains. He was mentored by both Larry Summers and Robert Rubin (former Secretaries themselves), and has been at the table throughout the federal discussions of the current crisis through his role as New York State President of the Federal Reserve. As news of this decision leaked on Friday, stocks shot up as investors seemed pleased with the choice. It goes without saying that this post has increased importance in today's financial environment; Newsweek even declared Hank Paulson the first King of America since George III. Geithner seems to have a clean record (he's never given a political contribution to ANYONE), so I'm still working on how to make fun of him beyond the simple, "TIMMAY!!!!" He does have a terrific claw attack, though.

The Beard - Secretary of Commerce Bill Richardson. Apparently having failed to grab the State Department, Richardson will reportedly be offered this consolation prize - a prize with increased importance in this economic climate. Richardson really is the ultimate government utility player, having qualified for Congress, UN ambassador, Secretary of Energy, Governor of Mexico, and now Commerce. In fantasy government, people draft Richardson early because of his flexibility. Plus, the beard is worth 20 points (here's hoping he grows it back).

The Parting Gift to John McCain - Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano. Napolitano is a brilliant, gifted politician (and an early contender for 2016), and her experience in governing a border state makes her qualified for this position. However, the decision is quite possibly also seen as a favor to Senator McCain, who would have probably been deposed in 2010 by Napolitano, who was term-limited as Governor of Arizona that year anyway. With the popular governor out of the picture, McCain will probably have a clear shot at reelection should he decide to pursue it. Perhaps Obama is hoping that McCain no longer has any hard feelings towards him, and they can work towards a common agenda.

The Doctor - Secretary of Health and Human Services Tom Daschle. Daschle (D-SD) was the top-ranking Democrat in the Senate for ten years until his surprising defeat in 2004. Obviously being rewarded for his early, vocal support of Obama's presidential campaign, Daschle will now be the guiding force on the new administration's healthcare reforms. His working relationship with Congress is certainly an asset, and one of the biggest reasons he was chosen, beyond his expertise in that policy area. Ever the poet, Daschle also recently described the U.S. healthcare system as "islands of excellence in a sea of mediocrity." Let's see if he can change that.

--> There is a lot of talk that many of these moves signal a rightward shift by the incoming president, at least in terms of foreign policy. Appointments like Clinton and Geithner signal a desire to value pragmatism over ideology, and while it might irritate the base a little bit, it's the right thing to do in a volatile situation like this.

Besides, there's something to be said for NOT filling your administration with yes-men.

--> Believe it or not (maybe not given the focus of this blog and its predecessor), there are a couple other branches of government in Washington, D.C. Recent developments in the legislature will have major consequences for the ability of President Obama to follow through on his agenda.

The West Coast Powerhouse - Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, Senator Boxer, and newly-annointed Chairman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee Henry Waxman. Waxman, in a surprising event, dethroned the veteran Democratic leader of the committee Congressman John Dingell (MI). This represents a major ideological shift in Congress, beyond the historic implications of violating the sacred laws of House seniority. Dingell was in the pockets of the auto industry, while Waxman takes his marching orders from Speaker Pelosi and is a staunch advocate of fighting climate change.

These three Californians now hold the keys to any green part of Obama's agenda, and we should be hearing from all of them quite a bit.

--> In other news, I will fulfill my sacred oath to not stop making fun of Sarah Palin. Here is an instant classic video, as Palin symbolically pardons a turkey, and then gives an interview as turkeys are brutally slaughtered behind her.

--> There is, of course, one enormous piece of news that I failed to report on this week. However, the news took a long time making its way through the series of tubes to my desk. You see, when you want to send a message, you put the message in, and it gets in line. The Internet is not some truck that you can just dump things on, after all.

I apologize for making that joke again, but sadly it will be the last time I get to make that joke (without really reaching for it). Senator Ted Stevens (R-AK) finally lost his heated race with Anchorage Mayor Mark Begich, who now becomes the crucial 58th Democratic senator in the next Congress. Stevens will no longer be there to grant us his humorous take on those damn kids, that dang-blasted technology, or the importance of wearing one's pants at the chest. I hope he finds his way home across an unnecessary, incomplete bridge.

On behalf of CWVF, I would like to thank Ted Stevens for all the decades of hilarity he has provided us all - first as a corrupt senator, and more recently as a cliched, crotchety old person.

You will be missed, and here's hoping you'll be true to your refusal to be quiet.

What Would Lincoln Do? A Team of (Bitter?) Rivals

2008-11-17T12:12:00.003-05:00

Newsweek provides a great framing to the political theme of the last few days: reconciliation. And who knows that topic better than our 16th President? That was Abraham Lincoln, a young Illinois state representative who ran an inspiring Senate race, and then a few short years later won the highest nation in the land despite being criticized by primary opponents as an inexperienced lightweight.

When asked how he would govern, Barack Obama has repeatedly referenced the 2005 book, Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin. Lincoln successfully out-maneuvered several experienced, savvy politicians for the Republican nomination in 1860, all of whom had more institutional backing than he did. However, when it came time to build his administration in a time of dire national challenges, he did not hold any grudges from the battle. Instead, he appointed his rivals to key Cabinet posts: New York Senator William Seward became Secretary of State, Ohio Governor Salmon Chase took over the Treasury, and Edward Bates was named Attorney General. Despite the contempt that all three showed for Lincoln even in the early days of his presidency, the President was able to get them all on his side, and use their combined political skills as a powerful mechanism for governing.

--> We now see the same process repeating itself. Apparently, after days of speculation, Senator Hillary Clinton is the front runner to be named Secretary of State. That makes sense, given that it would be foolish on Obama's part to have her name floated and then publicly reject her. I will deal with the implications of her role in Team Obama were it to happen, but this sends a clear message about President Obama's outlook on governing: he wants the best and the brightest, and it doesn't matter how critical you have been. That's what the government is already about.

Now, if this were indeed 1860, we'd view Clinton's interest in the Cabinet post as just another sign of her desire to run for President again in a few years. Way back when, the State Department used to be a stepping stone to the White House. Lately, it's been nothing more than a post for key foreign policy advisors.

--> But Obama certainly isn't finished with washing his hands of the messy business of political campaigns. Today at noon, he and CoS-in-waiting Rahm Emanuel meet with Senator John McCain and Senator Lindsey Graham to discuss political endeavors that they can embark upon together in the future. Both former presidential candidates have a lot to gain from forging a working relationship. Obama will need bi-partisan support for much of his agenda, and McCain does indeed have a reputation for going across the aisle sometimes. McCain, meanwhile, wants to rebuild his Maverick image - a power broker in the Senate now that he can't be one in the White House. The results of this meeting will be crucial to the passage of the Democratic agenda next year.

I guess if Obama really wanted to just throw in the towel and become Matthew Santos, he would just offer McCain the job of Secretary of State. Then again, I guess picking a former primary rival is close enough. Besides, he'd have to kill Fightin' Joe Biden, too, and no one wants that.

--> Meanwhile, in this time of economic crisis, we can add one more U.S. citizen to the ranks of the unemployed. Senator Barack Obama resigned his seat today, as mandated by a silly, outdated document called the Constitution. Apparently one branch per person was good enough for the founding fathers. Here's his letter to the people o f Illinois, thanking them for allowing him to enter public service. What he doesn't mention is that now they have to get in line with every other state, because they don't get special treatment anymore. Ironically, this does leave the Republicans with a slim majority in the current Senate, 49 seats to 48 seats, with Lieberman and Bernie Sanders holding the other two seats (Biden hasn't resigned yet, although according to the Cheney Doctrine, there could be a stupid legal argument for him to remain in the legislative branch). Thus, if Bush-Cheney wanted to dramatically pass something ridiculous in these final few weeks, they technically have the power to do so (at this point, it really is nothing more than a technicality that the President of the United States has any sort of power).

--> Due to security concerns and federal law, when President Obama takes office he will have to give up one of his best friends: his BlackBerry. The device has not left his side through the entire campaign, but it appears that he will not be allowed to continue using it once he becomes Commander in Chief. Besides the risks of unsecured emails, the Presidential Records Act mandates the keeping of all presidential correspondence. However, Obama will indeed have a laptop on the desk, making him the first President in American history to use one (although there are unconfirmed reports of Jefferson using one - more on this as it develops). Obama is pictured below saying goodbye to his trusted advisor.

Maybe at their meeting today, Obama can thank Senator McCain for inventing it for him.

--> And speaking of technology, Barack Obama is going to communicate with the American people in a way most befitting the 21st century: YouTube. Obama will be delivering weekly fireside chats straight to the American people, and they will be webcasted and put on the popular internet video site. Reportedly, the videos will be accompanied by hilarious graphics and lolcatz to make them more entertaining. Oh, and all important announcements will be preceded by dramatic stare gopher.

It's good to know that Presidential addresses will now be taken as seriously as this guy. Imagine Obama doing that to Hail to the Chief.

--> By the way, that Newsweek article about Obama babies is finally out, with one interesting tidbit that I hadn't realized until now. Obama's birthday, August 4, 1961, would indicate the possibility that he was conceived just around JFK's election to the White House. So will one of the Obama baby boom become another president? Only time will tell. In case the process had already been going, I decided to check what was going on about 9 months before JFK's birth. Unless his parents were particularly worked up about Bulgaria's delcaration of war against Romania, I think there isn't a pattern here.

--> Laura Bush's conception of the role of the First Lady might not be exactly what Michelle Obama, a graduate of Harvard Law School, is looking for. Asked about their tour of the White House, Mrs. Bush explained, "I showed her the closets. I showed her all the things that women are interested in." It turns out that the Bush White House is actually run like the cliched suburban home of the 1950s. Laura Bush spends her time cleaning and cooking, so when George comes home after a hard day at work, he can sit down on his reclining chair with a beer and watch the game. Somehow I feel as if Michelle has bigger fish to fry, but her first priority will certainly be taking care of her two daughters.

And now, another edition of Governing with the Stars:

United States White House: 2009-2012

The Players:

The Consigliere - Gregory Craig, White House Counsel. Not a very surprising move here, but one that gives further insight into what sort of White House Obama is looking to build. Loyalty is certainly shown to be an important characteristic, as Craig has been on the Obama team for months. In addition, it would seem that Obama is not all that allergic to White House insiders - Craig headed Bill Clinton's impeachment defense. Hopefully that skill set won't be called upon this time around, as it would seem that Obama knows what the definition of "is" is. Most importantly, of course, President Obama wants a counsel that can do terrific impressions. Craig co-starred as the crotchety Senator from Arizona in the Obama Campaign's award-winning production of "Presidential Debate - the Preparations." Craig better leave that role behind, though, because I won't be able to stand it if he starts calling everyone his friends.

The Bosom Buddy - Valerie Jarrett, senior adviser and assistant to the president for intergovernment relations and public liaison (now that's a mouthful). Rumors of her wanting to replace Obama in the Senate or serve in a Cabinet post appear to have been misinformed. A longtime personal friend of the Obamas, and a member of his campaign's inner circle since he ran for state senate, Jarrett will most certainly have the ear of the President (which of course means that everyone, in turn, will want her ear). It also means that the White House now has its token black official. Or is Craig the token white official? I can't remember how it works anymore.

Sex We Can Believe In, Hope Begets Fascism and/or Marxism, and the Healthman Cometh!

2008-11-12T19:55:00.005-05:00

So I'll start with a couple headlines that certainly caught my attention, and then we'll move towards legitimate rumblings as the Obama Administration starts to take shape.

--> Congressman Paul Broun (R-GA), fresh off a resounding victory in this year's election, decided to permanently launch his name into consideration for the next edition of Profiles in Courage. Despite it being unpopular to say, Broun decided that the American people deserved the truth, and so he took it upon himself to warn the Associated Press about the political catastrophe that awaits with the swearing in of Barack Obama. After a thorough examination of a July speech that Senator Obama gave in Colorado, Broun noticed some odd phrases. He noticed that Obama was calling for a "civilian security force," and being a student of history (and a student of ignoring the rest of the paragraph), Broun sprang into action. His chilling warning reads, "It may sound a bit crazy and off base, but the thing is, he's the one who proposed this national security force. I'm just trying to bring attention to the fact that we may — may not, I hope not — but we may have a problem with that type of philosophy of radical socialism or Marxism."

That's right, President-Elect Obama has been plotting to overthrow our democratic system with the help of a private security force. What force, you ask? Well, a closer examination of the speech in question indicates that Obama was actually talking about doubling the Peace Corps and expanding the foreign service. And by closer, I mean that I actually read it, which Broun clearly didn't. But just to emphasize the danger, Broun (pictured above with his trusty Communist-hunting hound) continued, "That's exactly what Hitler did in Nazi Germany and it's exactly what the Soviet Union did. When he's proposing to have a national security force that's answering to him, that is as strong as the U.S. military, he's showing me signs of being Marxist."

Now, besides the fact that he's completely missing what Obama's proposal actually means, let's stop and examine the differences between fascism and Marxism. They're pretty much opposites. So the fact that Broun can't distinguish which category Obama falls into is kind of worrying.

However, Broun (pictured above with his trusty hunting bear), now sensing that he's losing his audience, goes into full scare-tactic mode: "We can't be lulled into complacency. You have to remember that Adolf Hitler was elected in a democratic Germany. I'm not comparing him to Adolf Hitler. What I'm saying is there is the potential."

That's right, Barack Obama HAS THE POTENTIAL to become Adolf Hitler. All us Jews who voted for him really should have thought twice.

Broun apologized yesterday for his ill-phrased remarks, but asserted that he is merely troubled by Obama's socialist leanings. I can imagine a high school history teacher hitting him over the head with a frying pan, and yelling, "Hitler wasn't a socialist, you ninny!"

Note to my readers: Whenever you come across a headline like "Georgia Congressman Warns of Obama Dictatorship," you should probably expect a post on this blog.

--> For those of you who took part in spontaneous celebrations last Tuesday night, Newsweek is curious if there were any unintended consequences. Namely, did anyone out there celebrate the election of Barack Obama by fornicating wildly? And if so, did you make a Barack baby? And if so, will its middle name be Hussein? Granted, I did hear some stories from a trusted source at Oberlin College involving public indecency (and there was certainly some streaking here), but I am curious if any of my readers got so possessed with hope for the future that they decided to bring another life into it.

And that's Newsweek, always striving for the highest levels of journalistic achievement. Did I mention that they had an awesome story about the election?

But enough about the present. Let's look once more at the future of our government, as several key pieces are starting to fall into place:

The Initiatives

--> President-Elect Obama announced today that he will be fulfilling his campaign promise by creating a White House Office of Urban Policy. Its goal will be to oversee urban development, and to work with metropolitan governments in order to strengthen our cities. ABC's eagle-eyed political team notices that Obama won city voters by 28 percent, I suppose implying that Obama cares about cities simply for their electoral support, as opposed to their massive numbers of American citizens. Does that mean that President McCain would have created a White House Office of Gadfly Plumbers or a Department of Hockey Moms?

--> Meanwhile, Team Obama appears to stick to what it preaches. Jonathan Martin reports on the Obama will attempt to limit the influence of lobbyists on his t ransition team and within his White House, and transition chief John Podesta has put out a list of rules assuring this purity. I'm still waiting to see a Federal Committee on Hope, and until that happens I'll still reject Obama for abandoning some principles of his campaign...Comeon! I'm trying to be critical...

--> Finally, and most interestingly, powerful Senate Finance Committee Chairman Max Baucus (D-MT) announced today his proposal to overhaul the United States healthcare system, modeling it on the successful system already in place in Massachusetts. Universal healthcare is a major plank of the Democratic platform, and is an issue that Obama ran very heavily on in the final few weeks. However, Baucus's plan actually mirrors Senator Clinton's as opposed to Obama's. While Barack only insisted on a mandate that all children be covered by health insurance, Baucus would require all Americans to be covered. This would be a massive legislative achievement that would go immediately into the history books and improve the lives of the 46 million citizens who don't currently have healthcare.

This figures to be an enormous issue next year as the new administration takes office (the three men pictured above will probably be the most influential - Baucus, the least recognizable, is in the middle), and Paul Krugman is already hopeful, asserting, as I suspected all along, that "the word I hear, by the way, is that Obama’s opposition to mandates was tactical politics, not conviction — so he may well be prepared to do the right thing now that the election is won." Maybe we will actually pass this in time for Ted Kennedy to witness it. Good luck, Democrats. If this succeeds, I'll take back every comment/fear I ever expressed about your Congressional majority being too scared of losing seats to do anything risky.

The Players

--> Politico has a terrific story on Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and how she may wield more power than any woman in the history of this country. Somewhere in Chappaqua, Senator Clinton is bristling at that sentence. For all her public, irritating politeness, Pelosi knows how to bash heads together behind the scenes, and she will be a force to be reckoned with, by President Obama as well as leaders of the GOP.

--> Rumors for Cabinet positions continue to fly. In the hours following his victory, whispers and suggestions began flying out of Camp Obama, and they haven't stopped since. Here's a brief summary of what we know, and what we might not know but will report as if we know it anyway:

Secretary of State: Right now it looks like an all-out struggle between Governor Bill Richardson (now shaved!!!!) and Senator John Kerry. Both are very well qualified, and both have a lot of support in the party establishment, although Richardson is reportedly the only candidate who took Obama literally when he said that he wants to "clean up Washington," and adjusted his facial hair accordingly. Other names floating around include Richard (not Hal, as per my bizarre dream in which the Mark Twain impersonator was named as Obama's running mate) Holbrooke, Richard Lugar, Chuck Hagel, and Hillary Clinton. The latter sounds extremely unlikely, but this choice for arguably the most importnat Cabinet post will be a big one.

Colin Powell: Obviously one of the smartest, most qualified men in America, and it's quite possible that Obama rewards him for that touching endorsement (and reaches across the aisle for good measure) by giving him the coveted title of Secretary of Defense. There were also rumors of Powell being considered for Secretary of Education, but I'll believe that when I see it.

Kennedy Family: Caroline, already a key player in Obama's team, is reportedly up for a turn as Ambassador to the United Nations. Robert F. Kennedy Jr., meanwhile, may be rewarded for his terrific endorsement of NYS Assembly candidate Jonathan Smith with an opportunity to head the EPA. Both would be amazing decisions.

Agriculture: Former Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack is apparently the front-runner here, but that again is entirely speculation.

Defense: Although Colin Powell returning to the White House would be nothing short of a gift from God, it looks like Obama may look to avoid shaking up connections with the Afghan community, and attempt to reassure military people who think he is purely driven by ideology. That would mean retaining Secretary Robert Gates for another couple of years, who has certainly not done a bad job but by no means is a darling of the liberal base.

--> Meanwhile, on-again, off-again Democratic scapegoat Joe Lieberman's fate will be decided in the next few weeks, as the Democratic caucus prepares to decide whether to kick him out. President-Elect Obama, in a smart attempt to reconcile partisan conflicts and reach some agreements in the next two years, appears to have come out in favor of keeping Lieberman in the party's ranks.

--> Finally, to the delight of foaming-at-the-mouth liberal bloggers everywhere, Andrew Sullivan explains why we shouldn't let Sarah Palin go that easily. This election may be over, but Sullivan's piece gives us all (especially me) a free pass to keep tearing into her as much as we can. I can't wait...

Here All the Bombs Fade Away! Welcome to the New Era!

2008-11-08T12:09:00.000-05:00

I still can't quite get my head around it. Barack Obama is the President-Elect of the United States. He is without a doubt the most gifted orator of our lifetimes, and if you don't believe me just watch his victory speech. He took ten minutes to transform "yes we can" from a popular campaign slogan to the historical culmination of the fundamental American creed. Obama's rise to stardom, and finally to the presidency, will be a topic that fascinates historians for years to come. And there's still a lot to think back on. Speaking of which, here's a nice list of things that didn't really matter after all.

But I think enough ink and pixels have been used to explain that. If you limit yourself to one recap of this whole race, and have the time and interest to really discover who these candidates (and political operatives) were, try NEWSWEEK'S fabulous 7-part series as they were given unlimited access inside the campaigns. It is really interesting to see that these politicains are real people beneath the pandering and speechifying.

Overall, I think it's time to end our focus on this election. The McCain Campaign has already started trying to place the blame on Sarah Palin, apparently hating her so much for costing them votes this year that they want to bring her down with them to ensure that she never becomes the Republican standard-bearer in a future presidential race. Among their accusations are that Palin didn't know which countries are in NAFTA and that she didn't know that Africa was a continent, not a country. Palin has responded to these accusations by labeling the McCain aides "mean-spirited," "cruel" "jerks." Now, I might be tempted to really enjoy this infighting, but like so much reality TV I must look away.

Here, at what will affectionately be known as Election Day Countdown 2.0, we don't want to play those games anymore. To utilize the wisdom that was passed along to John McCain in 2000 by the great sage, 43rd president George W. Bush, "I think we can agree, the past is over."

I finally turned the page last night. Attending a Decemberists concert in Philadelphia left me awash in a sea of liberal celebration. After their first song, Colin Meloy leaned to the front of the stage, stuck out his right hand, and declared, "Welcome to the new era." He proceeded to tell us about how the world just seems brighter, the bathrooms seem more spacious, and the air is "quiltier." Finally, they concluded the concert with a rousing rendition of "Sons and Daughters," culminating in a massive group singing of the line, over and over again, "here all the bombs fade away..." It was a terrific concert, but more importantly it signaled to me that we truly have arrived. The greatest hope that the liberal movement of this country has encountered in quite some time has reached the highest office in the land, and now we must wait to see if he comes through on his agenda.

I enjoyed writing Election Day Countdown because it kept me focused on the most intriguing narratives of this process, and also allowed me to find the lighter side of what often seemed like a cosmic struggle between good and evil. Now that the election is over, I must confess that I have had to reassess if the blogging is worth it.

The truth is that it's never really over. From today we have 1459 days to prove to the American public that Barack Obama's vision is truly the one to lead us into a brighter future. And no, it's not silly to look that far ahead, because those 4 years are going to fly by.

In the coming weeks, months, and perhaps even years, I want to provide the same services that Election Day Countdown did. I'll make sure that my readers can utilize CWVF as a resource for political knowledge, and I'll make sure that you're getting the best selection of news from around the Internet. Most importantly, I hope that you'll be entertained by my (mostly ridiculous) sense of humor. It's true that I (and all other liberal satirists) have had some trouble finding ways to make fun of Obama. However, if his first press conference was any indication, I should be fine. Besides, the GOP isn't exactly gone.

--> So let's begin by looking to the future, and beginning our rundown of the new-look Obama Administration. In the next few weeks, we'll be introducing you to the members of this presidential team as they're announced, and I'll try to give some insight into what it all means.

United States White House: 2009-2012

The Boss: Rahm Emanuel, Congressman from the state of Illinois, longtime Democratic strategist under President Clinton, and overall badass, will be playing the role of Chief-of-Staff, having officially accepted the offer on Thursday. Emanuel is now tasked with running Obama's White House, and getting stuff done. The choice sends a strong signal that Obama is more concerned with effective, results-oriented governing than playing nice with Congress. Emanuel, who has ambitions of one day succeeding Nancy Pelosi as Speaker of the House, will certainly be playing for keeps despite obviously sacrificing personal ambition for service of his country, and his established friendship with President Obama will make the two a force to be reckoned with.

If you have any doubts that the duo of Obama and Emanuel was not destined to be, just consider their first names. "Rahm" and "Barack" in Hebrew mean "thunder and lightning."

The Tongue: Robert Gibbs, after serving as Barack Obama's communications director for both his presidential and senatorial campaigns, will take the well-deserved post of White House Press Secretary. His successful turns on the cable news networks during this campaign demonstrated that he will be the perfect choice to be the face of the White House.

The Turdblossom: David Axelrod, mastermind of the Obama Machine, will take the role of Senior Advisor to the President, making him essentially the Karl Rove of this Democratic administration (hence the nickname, although something tells me that Obama won't be going around the White House giving staffers embarrassing nicknames). Axelrod is one of the smartest men in the party, and is the perfect fit for this role, as his political instincts are off the charts. I mean, how many political operatives could successfully create a compelling character for a television show, and then act it out in real life?

By the way, one final wrinkle in the West-Wing-as-real-life theory to report. The Obama character, Matt Santos, attended the Naval Academy at Annapolis like his real-life opponent John McCain. The only difference, Santos supposedly graduated top of his class, while McCain finished 5th from the bottom.

And in other news...

--> It's never too early to start the 2012 race for the GOP nomination, or the popular reality show called Who Wants to Get Their Ass Kicked By a Popular Incumbent? A lot of pundits will focus on the bright prospects of young, successful Republican governors like Tim Pawlenty (MN), Bobby Jindal (LA), and the unknown governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin. However, while politicians may lack common sense, they more than make up for it with shrewd political ambition. None of these guys would want to risk a bright political future by running against an experienced Obama. It could very well be suicide of his first term is largely successful, so look to see a range of run-of-the-mill uninspiring Republican candidates emerge. Sure, you'll see the old favorites like Mitt Romney, Mike Huckabee, and Rudy Giuliani. But what if that's just not enough for you?

Well, for those readers who were politically aware in the 1990s (I can count 3 of you off hand), you may remember a fellow who wielded some influence back then. Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House, is apparently very popular among influential circles of Republicans who are looking for a leader with genuine ideas who can lead them out of the wilderness. While the point about the GOP lacking new ideas might be true, it hardly seems effective to pit a politician who symbolizes the partisanship of the 1990s against a leader whose very appeal is his post-partisan mantra.

--> Because five days is apparently not long enough to figure out who won an election, I am pleased to announce today that President-Elect Barack Obama became a little bit more "elected" today when he gained another electoral vote, this one from Nebraska's second congressional district, as the state allocates its electoral votes by each district.

--> In a sign of the bipartisan spirit to come, President-Elect Obama used his first press conference yesterday to take a swing at a former First Lady, Nancy Reagan. Intending to make a joke at the expense of former first ladies who have attempted seances with the dead, Obama claimed that he had spoken to all the former living presidents since his victory, but that he "didn't want to get into a Nancy Reagan thing about doing any seances." Obama has since apologized for getting a little too big for his britches. But who could blame him? How would it feel if you suddenly came into a room with the reporters you've been talking to for 20 months, and now they all had to stand up? You'd want to make fun of widows, too. Right? ...Right?

--> In a sign of the post-racial spirit to come, President-Elect Obama also utilized his first press conference to compare himself to the sheltered dog he plans on getting for his kids, suggesting that shelter animals tend to be "mutts like me." Eesh. And they thought that satirists would have nothing to talk about with this guy...

--> Meanwhile, the Maverick gets hammered by the residents of Maverick County - just because we were expecting them to go a certain way based on their county name, they decided to not vote for their fellow Maverick and vote for the other guy.

--> Finally, if only he had known...