Change We Voted For

It's Been Fun

2009-02-08T23:25:00.004-05:00

But the time has finally come. As most of you have probably notice, I simply don't have time to maintain my own blog anymore. Thus, this is the end. I will officially commit blogicide, and terminate this institution on blogspot.

Thankfully, the journey doesn't have to end here. In fact, if I didn't have an outlet for my sarcasm, or my frustration with the game of politic, I might explode.

Instead, Break Out the Oreos, known to some as the premier blogging institution north of 110th St, has graciously offered me a chance to spew hot air and, from what I can gather, dilute its finely-crafted writing with my nonsense.

breakouttheoreos.com

Favorite it, RSS it, do what must be done. I hope to live up to the reputation that BOTO has forged for itself, and, in time, become an integral part of its web of snarkiness.

In parting, for those of you who don't quite grasp the epic significance of my departure from this blog, please partake in this video:

Big Barack Is Watching You

2009-01-29T19:45:00.000-05:00

http://www.wouldyoudothatifbarackwaswatching.com/question.html

Be a little bit creeped out. Just mostly be amused. I just can't wait for the day when that feature appears on the official White House website.

Blago the Martyr

2009-01-25T10:39:00.004-05:00

--> Governor Rod Blagojevich (D-IL) has been making the rounds in the media - press conferences, interviews, secretly-recorded phone calls with the FBI - in order to clear his name and foster public support in advance of his trial by the Illinois State Senate. His strategy seems to be playing brilliantly, because we all know that what Americans love most is a self-aggrandizing politician.

This certainly isn't the first time that a political figure has conjured up memories of trying times past in order to rally the country to his cause. President Obama has repeatedly referred to the Great Depression as a demonstration that Americans need to work together so that we can overcome the current crisis. Rudolph Giuliani can't go three words with mentioning the attacks of September 11th. So it seems predictable that Blagojevich would publicly compare his arrest to the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, explaining, "It was a complete surprise, completely unexpected. And just like the United States prevailed in that, we'll prevail in this."

In the governor's defense, there are several parallels. Firstly, U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald may be at least a tiny bit Japanese. In addition, there are reports that several thousand members of Blagojevich's family died of shame when the FBI arrived at his door to arrest the governor. And perhaps the corruption scandal of an Illinois governor will be just the spark that our federal government needs to finally invade Germany.

The governor continued to sound like a crazy person when he explained that the state legislature's sole purpose in impeaching him was to get him out of the way so that they could raise taxes: "The reason they're doing this is because they can't wait to get rid of me so they can raise taxes on the people of Illinois. This is as much about a tax increases as it is about anything else."

Well, no. I believe it's more about YOU TRYING TO SELL A UNITED STATES SENATE SEAT FOR MONEY THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

At this point, I had fears that Blagojevich couldn't get any more ridiculous, thus running my blog dry of material. How unfounded those worries seem...

On an interview on The Today Show this morning, Governor Blagojevich actually had the audacity (of hope?) to compare his battle for justice to those of Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr.. and Mahatma Gandhi.

As he was arrested, Blagojevich said, "I thought about Mandela, Dr. King and Gandhi and tried to put some perspective to all this and that is what I am doing now."At this point, I do truly hope that the governor takes a page out of Gandhi's book. Please, Governor, stop eating food.

Blagojevich also argued about the illegitimacy of the trial, claiming that he could summon up "15 angels and 20 saints led by Mother Theresa" to testify on his behalf and "it wouldn't matter." Now some may find it amazing that the Illinois State Legislature wouldn't listen to saints and angels, although to be fair, if you listened to the GOP Convention you would know that the legislature has already been home to The Messiah.

What actually amazes me about the comments is that Blagojevich apparently has the power to call forth the might of Heaven. Maybe all of this is why his lawyer quit.

Betrayal!

2009-01-20T17:31:00.003-05:00

As the sun sets on this first day of the Obama Administration, I can't help but feel a little bit disappointed. When President Obama was sworn in, I had a few simple expectations, but sadly none of them have been met.

I haven't seen a single rainbow yet today!

There aren't chocolate lollipops blooming spontaneously from the ground!

The toothpaste isn't mintier!

The big Lincoln statue didn't come to life and carry the new President back to the White House.

The woodland creatures continue to simply growl at me when I ask for help washing dishes.

We don't even have a comfortable budget surplus yet!

No miracles! No massive legislative accomplishments! No naked parade of shame for former Bush staffers down Pennsylvania Avenue...or did I make that campaign promise up?

This isn't the change I could believe in. In fact, why is no one holding Obama accountable for the ten inaugural balls that he and Michelle will be attending?? Forget that it's traditional and that every president does it - if John McCain can lose votes because he owns lots of houses, can't the Obamas lose support because Michelle owns ten dresses? It's pretty much the same thing, right?

Get it in gear, Mr. President!

Sadness

2009-01-20T17:23:00.002-05:00

Today's ceremonies, meant as a celebration of everything that the Democratic Party hopes to accomplish in the next few years, turned somber earlier today, as Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA), attending a congressional luncheon despite battling a brain tumor, had to be taken to a hospital with seizures. A party giant by anyone's assessment, Kennedy has been a lion of liberalism for decades in the U.S. Senate. President Obama followed him out of the room to check on him, while Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV), Kennedy's longtime friend and colleague, was so distraught about his friend's condition that he, too, had to leave the room.

Kennedy is reportedly "alert, awake, and undergoing assessment." We wish him a speedy recovery, because we will need him present to lead our fight in Congress.

Sabotage!

2009-01-20T16:07:00.003-05:00

As President Obama was administered the Oath of Office this afternoon, Chief Justice John Roberts made a slip-up that may have signaled a desire to thwart this transition of power to a less conservative regime.

Obama, clearly having memorized the oath in advance, was thrown off when Roberts rearranged several words, asking Obama to repeat "that I will execute the office of President to the United States faithful" instead of "that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States." Obama appeared befuddled and indicated the need to repeat the phrase again.

Failing to state the entire oath clearly, a loud buzzer then went off at Obama's podium. Roberts then cited the infamous federal "Oops Law," dictating that President Obama had thus forfeited his right to be president, automatically ushering in another 4-year term for President Bush. As the audience groaned, Roberts was heard offering the Obama's a lovely parting gift, and kindly wishing them the best of luck trying again in 4 years. Bush then took "Constitutional Amendments" for 200.

John Roberts is secretly Alex Trebek.

For his part, Vice President Biden did a magnificent job repeating his oath perfectly. Of course, that's because he has been saying it to himself in a mirror every night before bed for 25 years. He just needed help remembering to throw in that tricky "vice."

Triumph!

2009-01-20T15:56:00.003-05:00

And when President Obama removed his hand from the Lincoln Bible, he went up immediately from the crowd, and behold, the heavens were opened and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and alighting on him; and lo, a voice from heaven, saying, "This is my beloved President, with whom I am well pleased."

Or perhaps that was Wolf Blitzer's voice, who had the honor of interrupting John Williams' stirring composition, "Variations on a Star Wars Melody," and proclaiming that at noon, Eastern Standard Time, Barack Obama became the 44th President of the United States, as mandated by the Constitution regardless of any oath.

I must say, this feels really good. More insights on this day to follow...

Leaving Hurts You A Lot More Than It Hurts Me

2009-01-20T09:05:00.003-05:00

Sith Lord/Out-going Vice-President Dick Cheney apparently pulled a muscle in his back while moving into his new home, and will be forced into a wheelchair for today's ceremony.

There are few things that make me happier than a member of this administration in pain, and I think it's just a tiny shred of justice, given the condition that they have left this country in.

Oh yeah, and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates will be somewhere at some point today with someone doing something. You know, just in case. Gotta love having one-day Secret Service protection and unrestricted military access (perfect time for a coup, eh?).

Happy Inauguration Day, everyone!

Will Things Ever Be the Same Again? IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!

2009-01-19T21:37:00.004-05:00

Some guy once wrote, "Parting is such sweet sorrow." But Bush has probably never read Shakespeare, so I'll try a different route...

Bill Cosby once said, "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." President George W. Bush may have not been a success, but by this measurement he was certainly no failure.

Two wars, a massive budget deficit, disastrous international standing, a lasting realignment of the Supreme Court to the detriment of civil liberties, a drowned American city, irreparable damage done to the English language, a dramatic recession, a systematic effort to destroy the environment, Osama bin Laden still at large...who was he trying to please?

Truly this horse has been beaten to death. But it's an important lesson for the future of this nation: don't trust the future of our country to a guy who is advised by people like this:

President-elect Obama has a world of problems to face, and limited time to do it. He'll need all the luck and skill in the world to pull this nation of out of the hole that Bush dug for us (a hole that we watched him dig).

Tomorrow is a day of celebration, of renewal of purpose, and of rising to the challenges that lie ahead. Take at least a few of the next hours today to think about how we can never ever repeat the mistakes of the past 8 years.

Yogi Berra once said, "The future ain't what it used to be." Thanks to Bush's presidency, he is certainly right.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (But Not in a Racist Way)

2009-01-14T01:06:00.005-05:00

During the campaign, a great deal of attention was paid to Barack Obama's pledge to meet with foreign leaders, even those of hostile nations. In the first presidential debate, Senator Obama explained, "Now, understand what this means, 'without preconditions.' It doesn't mean that you invite them over for tea one day. ... There's a difference between preconditions and preparation. Of course we've got to do preparations, starting with low-level diplomatic talks, and it may not work, because Iran is a rogue regime."

Well, tonight the President-Elect had his first chance to sit down with opposing leaders, forgoing "low-level diplomatic talks" and apparently more than tea was served.

Last night, Obama had dinner with several of the most prominent conservative columnists in the country. Hosted by Washington Post columnist George Will (yes, "THE George Will"), the dinner featured our terrorist-sympathizing, arugula-eating, terrorist fist-jabbing hero squaring off against Will, William Kristol and David Brooks of The New York Times (yes, they do employ a few token conservatives, seen below), and Charles Krauthammer of the Washington Post.

The guest list was not formalized, so it is unknown who else was there. More importantly, the menu was not released either; we may never know if arugula was served.

Now, if a meeting like this had occurred under the Bush Administration with critical members of the media, I would have had two theories:

A) It's a sting operation designed to set up members of the liberal media and give Bush an excuse to throw them in Gitmo.
B) I'm dreaming.

Regardless, I guarantee that every journalist would have left dinner with a clever, new nickname courtesy of their Commander-in-Chief.

Does this sort of meeting signal a more open presidency, one that will listen to opposing views and not merely toe the party line?

All I know is that, for many liberals, the idea of the President talking privately with conservative columnists may actually be more frightening than the idea of a one-on-one meeting with Ahmadinejad.

Alaskan Pitbull Bites the Hand That Mocks

2009-01-13T20:07:00.014-05:00

No longer burdened by hanging out with Joe the Plumber or John the Senator, Governor Sarah Palin has spent her time preparing for her highly anticipated run for president in 2012. Of course, those doing the anticipating are the bloggers and left-wing media pundits eager to pounce on any number of gaffes that she is guaranteed to make.

However, preparation for a presidential run means that Palin has three years to reform her image from know-nothing to ...something. The only way to do that is to spend lots of quality time with her arch-nemesis: the press, explaining her version of what went wrong in 2008 and what she's learned.

In her latest edition of "It Wasn't My Fault," Palin lashed out at journalists, interviewers, and bloggers who took her remarks out of context and wouldn't take her at her word and instead demanded "medical evidence" and "facts."

Among her comments: "Bored, anonymous, pathetic bloggers who lie annoy me."

Was it something I said? Why would she single me out? I know she's talking about me because I'm pretty sure I'm the only person on the Internet who could possibly fit those three adjectives. Was it because I attacked her for saying that there were "real" parts of America? Was it because I mocked her regarding the bipartisan committee that concluded that she had abused her powers despite her repeated denials as well as her failed hockey appearance? Was it because I found her debate prep flow chart?

Palin further whined about the liberal media, defending her infamous Russia comment, "Even hard news sources, credible news sources — the comment about, you can see Russia from Alaska. You can! You can see Russia from Alaska. Something like that — a factual statement that was taken out of context and mocked — what you have to do is let that go."

I think the Governor might be missing the point. We all know that you can see Russia from a tiny part of Alaska. The point is that it doesn't matter - being able to see Russia from your state doesn't mean that you have foreign policy experience, and it certainly doesn't mean that you're ready to be Commander-in-Chief.

--> Thankfully, Palin's primary rival for the GOP nomination in 2012, Mike Huckabee, came to my defense, bluntly attacking the Alaskan Governor's interview skills and, more subtly, her intelligence:

"Now I must say I did not think that either the Charlie Gibson interview or the Katie Couric interviews were unfair. In fact, if anything, Katie Couric was extraordinarily gentle, even helpful. [Palin] just... I don't know what happened. I can't explain it. It was not a good interview. I'm being charitable."

There are a lot of Republican heavyweights who see Palin as an embarrassment to the party; many others see her as their champion who will lead the GOP into the 21st Century. I can't wait to see Republicans tear each other to shreds over an irrelevant, over-matched, non-contiguous governor.

At least McCain's daughter refused to get mixed up in the scuffle.

Change Comes to Minor League Baseball!

2009-01-12T19:20:00.008-05:00

The Brooklyn Cyclones are getting a new look in honor of the next President of the United States.

For the night of June 23rd, the Mets minor league affiliate will celebrate "Inaugural Tuesday" (5 months late) in one of the most unique giveaway ever by a sports franchise. Among the highlights of the festivities:

--> The team will rename itself (for a night) the BARACKLYN CYCLONES and wear special red, white, and blue jerseys adorned with the new name.

--> The first 2,500 fans arriving at the stadium will be given a free Barack Obama bobblehead, featuring the president in a Baracklyn Cyclones jersey.

--> The team's "economic stimulus plan" will roll back ticket prices to what they were in 2001.

--> Promoting universal healthcare, the first 1,000 fans inside will receive free Band-Aids.

--> Anyone named Barack will get in for free. Anyone named McCain or Palin, in a gesture of "Bi-Partisan Consolation," will receive a free bleacher seat. Anyone named Joe who happens to work as a plumber will get two free tickets, one for him and one for a friend in order to "spread the wealth."

--> Finally, the Cyclones will offer fans a "clear-cut Exit Strategy;" all fans will receive American flags and discount coupons upon leaving the ballpark.

Now that's why they call it the American pasttime. I wish I had come up with all those puns, but amazingly the team's management was clever enough to create the ideas for this fantastic event all on its own.

Richardson: Facial Hair Would Have Saved Me!

2009-01-11T00:25:00.005-05:00

Sadly, last week the Obama Administration lost its first member to scandal. Governor Bill Richardson withdrew as the presumptive Commerce Secretary, choosing instead to face ethics scrutiny at home instead of drawing a new president into his mess. The FBI, apparently on a corrupt Democrat bender, is investigating Richardson for a supposed pay-to-play scheme that allowed a wealthy donor to win a lucrative state contract.

It does certainly seem as if the FBI is focused on the Democratic Party right now after almost a decade of bringing to light tons of corrupt Republican schemes. Does this mean that the GOP has finally rid itself of corruption? ....Ha. My theory is that the FBI has taken it upon itself to become a 4th branch of government (apologies to Dick Cheney), acting as a check against whichever party happens to be in charge.

Obama regretted but accepted Richardson's sudden departure, especially since Richardson has a propensity for growing entertaining facial hair that Obama simply can't. By the way, the politics of beardliness is one of the more interesting topics out there, and one that might be applicable to this humble blogger if I were to someday run for something (perhaps the need to shave is itself a deterrent).

In fact, Richardson reportedly cited his lack of beardliness as the primary reason for his exit. Much as longtime New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner banned facial hair on his team, service for Obama seemed to also demand that Richardson shave his "I'm not running for President anymore" beard. Of course, much like with the Yankees, the move seems to have lowered team chemistry, ultimately leading to Richardson's falling out. Obama was reportedly heard screaming at Richardson as he left Washington, "I thought I told you to shave those sideburns!"

Best of luck to you, Governor. May you be proven innocent and not instead be forced to back your own party into a corner by appointing a legitimate Senate candidate who no one wants to allow in and who immediately turns the situation into a race war as the candidate stands in the pouring rain and carves his accomplishments presumptively onto his mausoleum, all while you give press conferences quoting dead poets all while declaring your innocence which contradicts concrete evidence supplied by the FBI... Damn it, I've been trying not to mention Blagojevich; the jokes are simply too easy and all the best ones have already been used by Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert (although if that was my normal standard for this blog, I simply wouldn't write at all).

A Tale of Three Chairmen - Democratic Leaders Have 33% Unemployment Rate

2009-01-09T19:51:00.004-05:00

--> President-elect Barack Obama named a new chairman of the Democratic National Committee on Thursday, selecting former running-mate contender and current Virginia Governor Tim Kaine to lead the party into a new era. Kaine's appeal, both as a potential VP and now as fellow party leader, is that he shares Obama's "pragmatic progressive" ideology, a liberal at heart but one who acknowledges harsh economic/military realities. Kaine is also an energetic, young rising star of the party, and one that will hopefully be able to capitalize on Obama's successes and create a lasting Democratic Party movement.

--> In acknowledging Kaine's strengths, Obama paid tribute to the leadership of outgoing party chairman Howard Dean, whose 50-state strategy was instrumental in creating a Democratic majority in Congress, and which paved the way for Obama's large margin of victory in November. Oddly, Dean was not present at the ceremony, opting instead to visit American Samoa (obviously in an attempt to woo that crucial voting bloc).

For all that Obama has chosen to pursue and hire experienced Democratic leaders, the former Vermont governor has gone noticably snubbed. Passed over for a Cabinet post (Health and Human Services), an advisory position, or a party leadership position, Dean seems to have been left out in the cold (no pun intended on the God-forsaken winter wasteland that he represented for 12 years). Of course, this after he was the favorite for the Democratic Party presidential nomination for several months leading up to the 2004 race, but missed out on both the White House and a running mate slot. What could he have possibly done wrong?

Is he still being punished for that yell? Did one moment of excitement and enthusiasm, in an election year of Democratic candidates that made Dick Cheney look like James Brown, ruin Dean's political future? I certainly hope not. More likely, Dean simply didn't fit into Obama's plans, and gets some much deserved vacation time for a few years.

--> Or Dean could choose to take a more active route as a former DNC Chairman. Terry McAuliffe certainly isn't taking things lying down. After months of parading around cable news networks declaring Hillary Clinton's inevitable victory (even in the hours before she conceded), McAuliffe has chosen to apply his insurmountable confidence to his own political aspirations, announcing his intention to succeed Tim Kaine and become the next Governor of Virginia.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Terry McAuliffe

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

McAuliffe, deservingly known as a political figure who is quick to bluster and spout overconfidence, kicked off his campaign on Thursday, then declared victory this morning while urging his opponents to concede. McAuliffe's aides announced a planned swearing-in ceremony at the state capitol tomorrow afternoon, and bragged about McAuliffe's amazing (but impending) gubernatorial record of job creation, healthcare reform, and his incredible negotiation that led to a permanent solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. McAuliffe also guaranteed that he would be the starting shortstop for the Washington Nationals by 2014.

I truly do enjoy how circular all these paths are. Dean goes from governor of Vermont to presidential candidate to DNC chairman to unemployed; Kaine goes from governor of Virginia to DNC chairman; McAuliffe goes from DNC chairman to staffer for a presidential candidate to (potentially) governor of Virginia. I think I can discern their next moves: Dean needs to move to Virginia and then work for a presidential candidate; McAuliffe needs to run for President and then become a doctor; I think Kaine should try skiing...nah, this is too confusing.

The Doctor is In!

2009-01-09T13:25:00.004-05:00

--> I must admit, President-elect Obama's (unannounced) choice of Dr. Sanjay Gupta as the next United States Surgeon-General has me atwitter. Gupta has a powerful public presence, having invited himself into Americans' living rooms for years as chief medical correspondent on CNN, and he brings to the job a wide range of expertise.

Gupta will apparently be tasked with helping HHS Secretary Daschle craft the administration's healthcare policy as Obama and his party prepare a major push towards universal healthcare. He also provides Obama with a very adept spokesperson who could appear on the news networks to promote White House policy.

However, Gupta's past might indicate that he will not instantaneously be a darling of the left. In 2006 he publicly opposed referenda in Colorado and Nevada that would have decriminalized small amounts of marijuana. He wrote, "I suspect that most of the people eager to vote yes on the new ballot measures aren't suffering from glaucoma, Alzheimer's or chemo-induced nausea. Many of them just want to get stoned legally. That's why I, like many other doctors, am unimpressed with the proposed legislation, which would legalize marijuana irrespective of any medical condition." Interestingly, he also mentions that smoking pot should be banned because of its health risks. Does that suggest a ban on smoking might be next? What about alcohol? Video games? Michael Bay movies?

Speaking of movies, Gupta's most notable public controversy to date was his heated battle with filmmaker Michael Moore, as Gupta accused (erroneously, I might add) Moore of fudging facts in his healthcare documentary, Sicko.

Gupta later apologized for having gotten his facts wrong, but his hostility towards Moore's pro-universal healthcare agenda might be grounds for some concern by Democrats.

Paul Krugman raised the issue as cause for worry about Gupta in an editorial for the New York Times on Tuesday.

Personally, I don't think it matters. If Gupta was being appointed film critic-general, then maybe I would take issue with his treatment of Sicko. But criticism of Michael Moore is hardly a good enough reason to disqualify someone from government service - attacking him is sadly almost a national pasttime. I'll simply have to hope that Gupta was merely outside of his element, reporting on movie ethics and not actually criticizing Moore's position on healthcare reform.

Clowns to the Left, Jokers to the Right - Hannity Returns and So Do I!

2009-01-09T12:49:00.003-05:00

Sorry for the delay, folks. I was planning on setting up a satellite office for this blog in Tel Aviv, but it fell through due to an unscheduled ground invasion/portent of the apocalypse. Back to work here in the U.S. of A.

--> I know that my readership, all of whom are devoted followers of FOX News programming, has felt lost and confused during the past couple of weeks as both of their most compelling news sources suddenly disappeared. While I took a short hiatus, pundit-extraordinaire Sean Hannity, seen here getting verbally pummeled by incoming White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, also went off the air, recovering from the sudden, tragic departure of long-time colleague and human punching bag Alan Colmes. Colmes represented the "left" perspective on Hannity & Colmes, which is roughly the same as having Herbert Hoover represent the fascist movement at a Communist Party congress - it doesn't make sense and accomplishes nothing because no one cares what he has to say. Colmes' departure was lovingly by Hall & Oates and the Daily Show team:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Hall & Oates Pay Tribute to Alan Colmes

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Hannity returns to the air on Monday no longer constrained by being required to offer multiple perspectives. The remodeled show will feature a panel called the "Great American Panel," the name appropriately reflecting FOX's massive superiority complex. The first episode will feature three professional, moderate voices:

Representing the Left: Reverend Al Sharpton, most recently seen pouting that Obama gets to be the first black president and not him.

Representing the Right: Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann (R-MN), most recently seen channeling Joe McCarthy and demanding an investigation into her colleagues who are potentially "un-American."

Representing the Middle: Meat Loaf, most recently seen admonishing a prepubescent Jack Black in the opening scene of the Tenacious D movie.

Apparently, Hannity expects Meat Loaf to talk about politics. He'd be better off with meatloaf as his third panelist.

You won't want to miss this. And yes, you can count this as the first time that this blog (or this blogger) has ever positively endorsed FOX News programming.

Happy New Year!

2008-12-31T19:02:00.002-05:00

One year ago, Barack Obama was a distant challenger to the Clinton juggernaut. John McCain was dead in the water, seemingly unable to compete with the heavyweights like Giuliani, Huckabee, and Romney. No one had heard of Sarah Palin. Other things that were different at the start of 2008:

We had also never considered to what extent rural Americans cling to their weapons and their faith.
We might have thought that Scranton was not a hell hole.
We were not intimately familiar with how many houses the McCains own, nor who Senator Obama's preacher was.
We assumed that the town of Unity, New Hampshire had just picked a silly name for their community.
Our country only had one presidential seal.
The Iraq War was going to decide this race.
Bloomberg was seen as a serious presidential contender who could reshape the electoral landscape.
Team of Rivals was just another book.
Three untalented, unattractive women had not yet discovered their penchant for describing McCain-centric lyrics with weird green screen effects.
Hillary Clinton was a divisive figure, hated by most non-Democrats and far from a national symbol of female empowerment.
None of us could pronounce or spell Blagojevich.
Tim Russert still hosted Meet the Press every Sunday morning.
Fist bumps were in no way associated with terrorist activity.
The New Yorker didn't face accusations of racism and bigotry.
Our leaders hadn't yet accused us of whining about the economic crisis.
Our President had not yet come face to face with flying footwear.
Caroline Kennedy was the private Kennedy who didn't want to get involved in national politics.
Barack Obama's testicles were not in danger because of Jesse Jackson.
The public only knew about one of Vito Fossella's families.
None of us had considered whether Russia was visible from American territory.
Small town mayors didn't consider their presidential prospects.
Bill Richardson was beardless.
John Edwards had a political future.
Arugula was not a political issue.
The idea of George W. Bush fighting desperately against his own party and against every Capitalist ideal imaginable was laughable at best.
The idea of George W. Bush giving corporate CEOs even more money was, I suppose, less laughable.
Eliot Spitzer was still the governor of New York State and had a bright future.
Ted Stevens was not awaiting the prospect of spending his final days in prison.
There weren't "real" parts of America.
Joe the Plumber was just a plumber.
John McCain was still seen as a maverick.

And, of course, hope and change did not appear to be imminent. With the Bush years coming to a rapid close, and 4 years of Democratic leadership waiting in the wings, here's hoping that 2009 will be a year to remember.

Have a safe night!

Science! Science Again!

2008-12-21T21:39:00.026-05:00

President-elect Obama recently selected the new administration's primary science advisers, and the selections signal a dramatic turn from the Bush Administration's perspective that science can tell us whatever our politics want it to.

--> For all the lip-service that every national politician gives to making America competitive in science and technology, Obama's choices actually follow through on that priority. Harvard physicist John Holdren will become the director of the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy while marine biologist Jane Lubchenco will head the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. Holdren will be joined by former National Institute of Health director Harold Varmus and MIT professor Eric Lander as co-chairs of Obama's Council of Advisers on Science and Technology.

The choices, especially Holdren, signal an increased desire to focus national energies on combating global warming. A couple of years ago, Holdren told the BBC that “it is too late for avoiding dangerous climate change. We must focus now on avoiding catastrophic climate change.” Obviously, President Obama and his advisers believe that this is inevitable:

Thankfully, Obama also appointed this guy as a science advisor. He's our only hope:

--> Meanwhile, Obama announced his new Secretary of Energy: Steven Chu. Chu is a historic, barrier-breaking pick: the first Nobel laureate selected to a presidential cabinet. (Is anyone else annoyed that NO federal government has felt the need to employ the smartest people they could find?) He also signals a major shift in the role of the Department of Energy, focusing on green technologies and renewable energy instead of the traditional attention paid to nuclear waste.

By the way, Chu's Nobel Prize was won in 1997 for his work "trapping atoms with lasers," which will no doubt come in handy as a member of Obama's Cabinet. So will his ability to teach himself how to pole vault. At least that makes up for his being basically the only Cabinet appointment that isn't a basketball player.

In fact, the quotes attributed to him in the afore-linked article are hysterical. Among them, he suggests a hypothetical involving him as "emperor," explains that he had no idea what the significance of having trapped an atom was (that makes two of us), and much much more.

Up next time: an obvious James Bond pun, an easy Star Trek reference, a Cabinet member from "La Hood," and a slamdunk of an Education Secretary.

Team Obama: The Farmer and the Cowman Should Be Friends

2008-12-20T15:03:00.021-05:00

Former Governor Tom Vilsack (D-IA) - Secretary of Agriculture

Fully convinced of the "team of rivals" philosophy, Obama decided to pick yet another former primary opponent for a prominent role in his cabinet. Vilsack will have a powerful voice in shaping policies for rural America, and his prominence, combined with fellow Iowan Senator Tom Harkin's chairmanship of the Senate Agriculture Committee, will put Iowa's interests - namely Ethanol - front and center. Just over a year ago, Vilsack was considered one of the front-runners for the presidential nomination; now, he joins his fellow front-runners Clinton, Richardson, and Biden in prominent roles advising a president less experienced than all of them. Just like Lincoln did it.

Senator Ken Salazar (D-CO) - Secretary of the Interior

A rising star in the party, Salazar was the second Hispanic politician named to Obama's cabinet. He, like Vilsack and much of the rest of the cabinet, has a reputation for being a moderate, and has been relatively open to trying new solutions for domestic energy supplies. And yes, that's him in the cowboy hat. But unlike Bush, he has a 100-year family heritage of ranchers. The combination of these two gives the western United States a powerful voice in shaping energy policies in this country for the next few years.

Also, this appointment creates yet another Senate vacancy to be filled by a Democratic governor. For those keeping score, that's now Illinois, New York, Delaware, and Colorado. It seems like all those positions have their own intrigue surrounding the governors' decisions. Illinois is obviously a fascinating example of governing gone wrong. New York's Governor Paterson wants to replace a female member of a Democratic political dynasty with another dynasty, either female (Caroline Kennedy) or male (Andrew Cuomo). Finally, Delaware's governor appointed a Biden ally so that Biden's son could run in two years. Politics is certainly an insider's game, and I am not sure what this will spell for Colorado (perhaps Harrison knows something about this).

Here's the guy who gets to make this decision. I'm sure he's thankful that the New York Post and the Daily News don't have circulation in Denver.

Department of Irony

2008-12-20T11:16:00.006-05:00

Outgoing Vice-President Dick Cheney had some ridiculous advice for incoming Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel. In a private meeting between Emanuel, current White House Chief of Staff Josh Bolten and 13 prior holders of the office (including Cheney), Cheney insisted to Emanuel that his most important job will be to "keep your VP under control."

It's a shame Cheney didn't share that sage wisdom with Bolten or his predecessor Andrew Card when they first took office. Or perhaps Cheney's 8-year term as VP has merely been a post-modern critique of the office - a real world thought experiment designed to prove his theory about the dangers of a powerful vice-president.

Well, I'd say we've all learned our lesson.

Baby You Can Drive Their Cars, And Maybe We'll Give Them $17.4 Billion Anyway

2008-12-20T10:35:00.011-05:00

In a dramatic move of "abandoning free-market principles in order to save the free market," the Bush Administration has completely circumvented the southern Republicans that rejected the bipartisan auto bailout, and used the President's remaining executive authority to direct a $17.4 billion bailout to GM and Chrysler in order to avoid the complete collapse of the American economy. The money was given with the understanding that the companies can create a business plan that will save them; otherwise, they have to pay the loans back immediately.

Supporters of the plan claim that the negative effects of a collapse of these companies would ripple throughout the market, causing untold damage to American workers.

Much of the GOP's leadership has actually turned on their president over the issue, criticizing him over the lack of accountability about how the funds will be distributed. Senator John McCain (R-AZ...perhaps you've heard of him?) is actually leading the charge, arguing....

Oh wait, I don't have to care what that guy says anymore.

It does just go to show you how strange this economic crisis has become; we have President Bush allying himself with the Democratic leadership against the party Maverick, the GOP base, and a bunch of southern senators whose states do more business with foreign automakers than domestic ones.

Duck and Weave, Mr. President!

2008-12-14T16:16:00.032-05:00

Time for another addition of:

This Guy is Still Our President??

Today, our champion faces off against his most powerful foe yet - an irate Iraqi journalist and his footwear.

During a press conference with the Iraqi Prime Minister, President Bush was probably hoping for a goodbye present of some kind. After all, this was his final tour of the country whose destiny has been forever altered by his presidency. Some day, little Iraqi schoolchildren may learn about King George III of America (yes, our third president named George - there is no other connotation of that nickname) and how he led them from bondage to civil war.

Well, one Iraqi journalist, celebrating his newly discovered civil liberties, took the phrase "freedom of the press" a bit too literally, and flung his shoes in anger, one after the other, at the leader of the free world after yelling "this is the end." A bit of an odd phrase, but clearly those Nike sneakers had been irritating his heel long enough.

I will start by asserting my disappointment with the President's security team. How is it that a screaming man has the time to throw, not one, but two objects at the President of the United States before he is brought down by, and I'm not sure because the camera angle isn't great, either the Secret Service or his fellow reporters. God forbid those were acid-tipped uggs. I'm grateful that this man wasn't able to bring anything dangerous into this press conference, but it still concerns me that he was unstopped for a good five seconds.

Secondly, I want to admonish this clearly unstable reporter. I understand that Bush press conferences can be really frustrating. Let's face it: every word that comes out of the man's mouth is either poorly worded, a lie, or both. But throwing your shoes is not the answer! I'm sure Brian Williams has had to fight the urge to throw his clothing at President Bush, too. (In fact, I'm pretty sure that there will be many people who want to throw their clothing at President Obama - the favorite to be voted People Magazine's Sexiest President 2009.) But your American counterparts have been able to control themselves for these past eight years. As a member of the press, your role is to not challenge the President in any way; take a lesson from our U.S. media coverage, and just sit there and nod. If necessary, plug your ears. At least you have it easy - you don't understand the language that he is butchering.

In addition, as you can see the above video, MSNBC's analyst manages to explain the incident by pointing out that the man clearly meant to insult President Bush, because in Arab culture, the sole of the shoe is considered an insult. Hmm, here I was thinking that throwing something at the President of another country is an insult in itself.

Also, appreciate the intense stoicism of the Iraqi official next to Bush. Nary a flinch during the initial onslaught, and then a half-hearted swat at the second shoe.

Finally, I was deeply impressed by President Bush here. Calling on his intensive martial arts training, Bush was able to avoid this calculated attack. The first shoe - aimed directly at his face - flies by harmlessly as the President ducks down and darts to the left. George Foreman himself would be proud. The second shoe again comes towards Bush's face, but Bush takes a different approach with that one. Shielding his eyes like a Texas Rangers outfielder blocking out the sun searching for a fly ball, Bush ducks the second attack as well. Great reflexes.

Sadly, the Bush Administration did not escape unharmed - as you can hear in the above video, apparently White House Press Secretary Dana Perino was hit in the face with a microphone during the scuffle, which resulted in a black eye. Although lying just as much, she's at least been easier on the eyes than her predecessor, and so we wish her a speedy recovery.

There is literally no way that this presidency could get any weirder.

Beset on All Sides By the Iniquities of the Selfish and the Tyranny of Evil Men

2008-12-09T15:55:00.008-05:00

There is no red corruption or blue corruption, there is only the United States of Corruption.

Illinois state politics have long been considered a breeding ground for ill-intentioned politicians. Indeed, I think it was Abraham Lincoln who famously said of Chicago, "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

Governor Rod Blagojevich (D-IL) was arrested by the FBI this morning along with his chief of staff John Harris as the result of a major corruption investigation. Firstly, let me breathe a sigh of relief that I won't have to spell that name again in a political context any time soon. Secondly, I noticed that CNN this morning pointed out the oddity of the FBI coming and arresting the governor rather than allowing him to turn himself in. One reporter actually considered that the move may indicate that the FBI thought Blagojevich was a flight risk. I think we can all picture a high-speed highway chase with news copters overhead following an unmarked black limo driven by the governor and his chief of staff. Actually, I think this is probably how this was more likely to end:

So, what exactly did the honorable governor do wrong? Well...

--> Federal prosecutors allege that Blagojevich, holding sole power to appoint President-elect Obama's successor to the U.S. Senate (a perk he considered "f-ing golden"), planned on selling the seat to the highest bidder, in exchange for contributions to his personal finances, or government/private-sector job offers. Apparently, Blagojevich initially approached the Obama transition team, offering to appoint aide and close friend Valerie Jarrett to the seat, if Obama in turn would make him Secretary of Health and Human Services. Team Obama told him "no chance," and Jarrett was appointed to a senior White House position.

The governor didn't take too kindly to rejection, and spewed a stream of expletives in Obama's direction in a conference call with top aides and his wife on November 11th, complaining, "But they’re not willing to give me anything except appreciation. F—k them."

--> The investigation revealed that Blagojevich was actually more interested in money than power. He had grown weary of his government position, and was concerned about his personal finances more than anything else. He even planned on attempting to rope Warren Buffett and Bill Gates into this plan in order to get money from them to fill his pockets.

--> Blagojevich also threatened the Tribune Company, which owns the Chicago Tribune and the Chicago Cubs, to withhold state financial assistance for their sale of the Cubs unless the Tribune fired members of its editorial board that had criticized the governor in recent months.

If you want to read the entire federal complaint, enjoy our open system of due process here.

Also, here's a great article on how his mind works (or doesn't). Ben Smith notes that, through all of this, Blagojevich still had designs of running for President in 8 years. What a nut...

Speaking of which, on this case is United States Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald. Political aficionados already know of Fitzgerald for his vocal role in the Scooter Libby trial. His press conferences are always a joy, and this one was no exception. A highlight reel of his statements this morning include:

"a political corruption crime spree"
"The conduct would make Lincoln roll over in his grave"
"a truly new low," as Fitzgerald explained that Blagojevich wasn't against the corrupt deal for the Senate seat, he was against "being stiffed in the corrupt deal."

On the state of Illinois, FBI special agent Robert Grant said: "If it isn't the most corrupt state in the United States, it's certainly one hell of a competitor. Even the most cynical agents in our office were shocked."

--> As a nice touch on this story, it would appear that Rahm Emanuel himself may have been behind the tip that led federal investigators to step up their inquiry into Blagojevich's corruption.

--> One would assume that Lieutenant Governor Pat Quinn will eventually take over the governorship. In the mean time, the Illinois state constitution mandates that the sitting governor still has the sole authority to appoint a Senate replacement.

However, that could change. Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL) and Illinois State Senate President Emil Jones have both called for the state legislature to pass a law allowing a public special election to fill the seat instead. If this happens, it opens up Republicans to compete for Obama's old seat as well, something that many Democrats probably won't be too happy about. However, given the strength of the GOP's last competitor for the seat, we should be fine.

Actually, I'm going on record as supporting this special election idea - mostly because I'd love to see Alan Keyes run a campaign again. Here's why. And here. Also here, as he gets arrested trying to break into a primary debate to which he wasn't invited. By the way, that second one is my personal favorite, largely because it seems to run against the McCain campaign assertion that Obama is Christ.

--> And just to continue our running series on ridiculous stupidity on the part of elected officials, our favorite Staten Island Republican Vito Fossella was sent to jail for five days. Don't remember who he is? EDC has you covered.

Team Obama's Prosecutor, The Prosecuted, and the Racial Walls Coming Crashing Down!

2008-12-08T22:08:00.003-05:00

Cabinet updates have been slow in coming, and for that I'd like to begin making amends.

Eric Holder - Attorney General.

Holder, formerly a Deputy Attorney General under President Clinton, is another Washington insider that Obama has added to his team of change and fresh-thinking. Also a graduate of Columbia (undergrad and law), Holder is well respected among both parties with the exception of the one dark mark on his resume. In the final day of the Clinton presidency, he played a significant role in the controversial pardoning of fugitive financier Mark Rich, an event that he has taken significant criticism for. However, supporters point to his lifelong devotion to non-partisan integrity, noting that he actually pushed Attorney General Janet Reno to expand Kenneth Starr's investigation to include Monica Lewinsky - a move that led directly to the impeachment of a Democratic president.

But don't doubt his radical, liberal credentials. As a freshman at Columbia College, he joined an uprising that successfully invaded the R.O.T.C. headquarters on campus armed with pillows and sheets. Of course, he'll now be the person in charge of prosecuting anyone who did something like that.

Let's not forget that Eric Holder will become the first African-American attorney general in U.S. history. This would be big news if a much larger racial barrier hadn't just been broken - Obama appointing African Americans to his administration almost seems like an afterthought, while for all past presidents there has been an enormous focus on racial diversity.

--> And speaking of racial barriers, a hearty, bi-partisan congratulations is in order for Congressman-elect Anh "Joe" Cao (R-LA). Aided by low turnout and an embattled Democratic incumbent who was literally caught with $90,000 stuffed in his freezer, Cao became the first American of Vietnamese descent (actually fled the Communists when he was eight) to win a seat in Congress. He considers himself a moderate, and seems open to rational argument; we couldn't be prouder. (Also a plus to have a cute kid.)

--> And speaking of corrupt Democratic congressmen and Columbia University (see how this comes full circle), the news just keeps getting worse for Representative Charles Rangel (D-NY), one of the most senior members of the Democratic caucus and representative of Columbia and the surrounding areas. Apparently, Rangel has spent the last 4 years directing $80,000 in campaign money to his son's internet company in order to design two websites that were reportedly so poorly made that they should have cost no more than $100. Rangel has not had the best year of his career so far, and it probably won't be very long before he loses his gavel.

That's all for tonight. Some juicy stuff for you tomorrow or Wednesday.

A Newer Deal!

2008-12-08T00:17:00.008-05:00

You'd think from my last couple of posts that there wasn't much major news in the past few days. Of course, I just need to build back up some stamina.

President-elect Barack Obama unveiled a major portion of his economic agenda on Saturday, pledging a massive investment in infrastructure across the United States as a way of stimulating economic growth. He also upped his guarantee of job creation to a whopping 2.5 million in the next two years - an enormous challenge by anyone's count. Among the key points of his plan:

--> rebuilding and improving roads and bridges
--> a massive campaign/investment to make public buildings more energy efficient
--> modernizing and upgrading school buildings - including new computers
--> strengthening our broadband investment to improve internet access
--> modernizing the healthcare system by featuring electronic medical records

I guess he's certainly embracing the mantle of "tax and spend," which will no doubt be thrown against him, and every successive liberal who runs for office, by the Republican Party. Thankfully, it's a much better plan than "cut taxes but spend anyway."

Unfortunately, the "tax" portion of the plan might not be as quick in coming as we'd like it to be. First, aides to the President-elect had recently suggested that Obama's pledge to repeal the outrageous Bush tax cuts for the wealthy may be indefinitely delayed, as a tax hike on anyone in this economic climate could be a recipe for further instability. Now, it appears that the proposal to institute a windfall profits tax on oil companies may be shelved as well. The justification seems to be that the price of oil has dropped so much that these companies are no longer making those ridiculous profits.

We'll see how this plays out, but we might lay these down as the first (of what will hopefully be few) broken promises of the new administration.