It's Been Fun

But the time has finally come. As most of you have probably notice, I simply don't have time to maintain my own blog anymore. Thus, this is the end. I will officially commit blogicide, and terminate this institution on blogspot.

Thankfully, the journey doesn't have to end here. In fact, if I didn't have an outlet for my sarcasm, or my frustration with the game of politic, I might explode.

Instead, Break Out the Oreos, known to some as the premier blogging institution north of 110th St, has graciously offered me a chance to spew hot air and, from what I can gather, dilute its finely-crafted writing with my nonsense.

breakouttheoreos.com

Favorite it, RSS it, do what must be done. I hope to live up to the reputation that BOTO has forged for itself, and, in time, become an integral part of its web of snarkiness.

In parting, for those of you who don't quite grasp the epic significance of my departure from this blog, please partake in this video:

Big Barack Is Watching You

http://www.wouldyoudothatifbarackwaswatching.com/question.html

Be a little bit creeped out. Just mostly be amused. I just can't wait for the day when that feature appears on the official White House website.

Blago the Martyr

--> Governor Rod Blagojevich (D-IL) has been making the rounds in the media - press conferences, interviews, secretly-recorded phone calls with the FBI - in order to clear his name and foster public support in advance of his trial by the Illinois State Senate. His strategy seems to be playing brilliantly, because we all know that what Americans love most is a self-aggrandizing politician.


This certainly isn't the first time that a political figure has conjured up memories of trying times past in order to rally the country to his cause. President Obama has repeatedly referred to the Great Depression as a demonstration that Americans need to work together so that we can overcome the current crisis. Rudolph Giuliani can't go three words with mentioning the attacks of September 11th. So it seems predictable that Blagojevich would publicly compare his arrest to the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, explaining, "It was a complete surprise, completely unexpected. And just like the United States prevailed in that, we'll prevail in this."


In the governor's defense, there are several parallels. Firstly, U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald may be at least a tiny bit Japanese. In addition, there are reports that several thousand members of Blagojevich's family died of shame when the FBI arrived at his door to arrest the governor. And perhaps the corruption scandal of an Illinois governor will be just the spark that our federal government needs to finally invade Germany.

The governor continued to sound like a crazy person when he explained that the state legislature's sole purpose in impeaching him was to get him out of the way so that they could raise taxes: "The reason they're doing this is because they can't wait to get rid of me so they can raise taxes on the people of Illinois. This is as much about a tax increases as it is about anything else."

Well, no. I believe it's more about YOU TRYING TO SELL A UNITED STATES SENATE SEAT FOR MONEY THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

At this point, I had fears that Blagojevich couldn't get any more ridiculous, thus running my blog dry of material. How unfounded those worries seem...

On an interview on The Today Show this morning, Governor Blagojevich actually had the audacity (of hope?) to compare his battle for justice to those of Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr.. and Mahatma Gandhi.


As he was arrested, Blagojevich said, "I thought about Mandela, Dr. King and Gandhi and tried to put some perspective to all this and that is what I am doing now."At this point, I do truly hope that the governor takes a page out of Gandhi's book. Please, Governor, stop eating food.

Blagojevich also argued about the illegitimacy of the trial, claiming that he could summon up "15 angels and 20 saints led by Mother Theresa" to testify on his behalf and "it wouldn't matter." Now some may find it amazing that the Illinois State Legislature wouldn't listen to saints and angels, although to be fair, if you listened to the GOP Convention you would know that the legislature has already been home to The Messiah.

What actually amazes me about the comments is that Blagojevich apparently has the power to call forth the might of Heaven. Maybe all of this is why his lawyer quit.

Betrayal!

As the sun sets on this first day of the Obama Administration, I can't help but feel a little bit disappointed. When President Obama was sworn in, I had a few simple expectations, but sadly none of them have been met.

I haven't seen a single rainbow yet today!

There aren't chocolate lollipops blooming spontaneously from the ground!

The toothpaste isn't mintier!


The big Lincoln statue didn't come to life and carry the new President back to the White House.

The woodland creatures continue to simply growl at me when I ask for help washing dishes.

We don't even have a comfortable budget surplus yet!


No miracles! No massive legislative accomplishments! No naked parade of shame for former Bush staffers down Pennsylvania Avenue...or did I make that campaign promise up?

This isn't the change I could believe in. In fact, why is no one holding Obama accountable for the ten inaugural balls that he and Michelle will be attending?? Forget that it's traditional and that every president does it - if John McCain can lose votes because he owns lots of houses, can't the Obamas lose support because Michelle owns ten dresses? It's pretty much the same thing, right?

Get it in gear, Mr. President!

Sadness

Today's ceremonies, meant as a celebration of everything that the Democratic Party hopes to accomplish in the next few years, turned somber earlier today, as Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA), attending a congressional luncheon despite battling a brain tumor, had to be taken to a hospital with seizures. A party giant by anyone's assessment, Kennedy has been a lion of liberalism for decades in the U.S. Senate. President Obama followed him out of the room to check on him, while Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV), Kennedy's longtime friend and colleague, was so distraught about his friend's condition that he, too, had to leave the room.


Kennedy is reportedly "alert, awake, and undergoing assessment." We wish him a speedy recovery, because we will need him present to lead our fight in Congress.

Sabotage!

As President Obama was administered the Oath of Office this afternoon, Chief Justice John Roberts made a slip-up that may have signaled a desire to thwart this transition of power to a less conservative regime.

Obama, clearly having memorized the oath in advance, was thrown off when Roberts rearranged several words, asking Obama to repeat "that I will execute the office of President to the United States faithful" instead of "that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States." Obama appeared befuddled and indicated the need to repeat the phrase again.

Failing to state the entire oath clearly, a loud buzzer then went off at Obama's podium. Roberts then cited the infamous federal "Oops Law," dictating that President Obama had thus forfeited his right to be president, automatically ushering in another 4-year term for President Bush. As the audience groaned, Roberts was heard offering the Obama's a lovely parting gift, and kindly wishing them the best of luck trying again in 4 years. Bush then took "Constitutional Amendments" for 200.



John Roberts is secretly Alex Trebek.

For his part, Vice President Biden did a magnificent job repeating his oath perfectly. Of course, that's because he has been saying it to himself in a mirror every night before bed for 25 years. He just needed help remembering to throw in that tricky "vice."

Triumph!

And when President Obama removed his hand from the Lincoln Bible, he went up immediately from the crowd, and behold, the heavens were opened and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and alighting on him; and lo, a voice from heaven, saying, "This is my beloved President, with whom I am well pleased."

Or perhaps that was Wolf Blitzer's voice, who had the honor of interrupting John Williams' stirring composition, "Variations on a Star Wars Melody," and proclaiming that at noon, Eastern Standard Time, Barack Obama became the 44th President of the United States, as mandated by the Constitution regardless of any oath.


I must say, this feels really good. More insights on this day to follow...

Leaving Hurts You A Lot More Than It Hurts Me

Sith Lord/Out-going Vice-President Dick Cheney apparently pulled a muscle in his back while moving into his new home, and will be forced into a wheelchair for today's ceremony.

There are few things that make me happier than a member of this administration in pain, and I think it's just a tiny shred of justice, given the condition that they have left this country in.



Oh yeah, and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates will be somewhere at some point today with someone doing something. You know, just in case. Gotta love having one-day Secret Service protection and unrestricted military access (perfect time for a coup, eh?).


Happy Inauguration Day, everyone!

Will Things Ever Be the Same Again? IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!

Some guy once wrote, "Parting is such sweet sorrow." But Bush has probably never read Shakespeare, so I'll try a different route...

Bill Cosby once said, "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." President George W. Bush may have not been a success, but by this measurement he was certainly no failure.

Two wars, a massive budget deficit, disastrous international standing, a lasting realignment of the Supreme Court to the detriment of civil liberties, a drowned American city, irreparable damage done to the English language, a dramatic recession, a systematic effort to destroy the environment, Osama bin Laden still at large...who was he trying to please?

Truly this horse has been beaten to death. But it's an important lesson for the future of this nation: don't trust the future of our country to a guy who is advised by people like this:


President-elect Obama has a world of problems to face, and limited time to do it. He'll need all the luck and skill in the world to pull this nation of out of the hole that Bush dug for us (a hole that we watched him dig).

Tomorrow is a day of celebration, of renewal of purpose, and of rising to the challenges that lie ahead. Take at least a few of the next hours today to think about how we can never ever repeat the mistakes of the past 8 years.

Yogi Berra once said, "The future ain't what it used to be." Thanks to Bush's presidency, he is certainly right.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (But Not in a Racist Way)

During the campaign, a great deal of attention was paid to Barack Obama's pledge to meet with foreign leaders, even those of hostile nations. In the first presidential debate, Senator Obama explained, "Now, understand what this means, 'without preconditions.' It doesn't mean that you invite them over for tea one day. ... There's a difference between preconditions and preparation. Of course we've got to do preparations, starting with low-level diplomatic talks, and it may not work, because Iran is a rogue regime."


Well, tonight the President-Elect had his first chance to sit down with opposing leaders, forgoing "low-level diplomatic talks" and apparently more than tea was served.


Last night, Obama had dinner with several of the most prominent conservative columnists in the country. Hosted by Washington Post columnist George Will (yes, "THE George Will"), the dinner featured our terrorist-sympathizing, arugula-eating, terrorist fist-jabbing hero squaring off against Will, William Kristol and David Brooks of The New York Times (yes, they do employ a few token conservatives, seen below), and Charles Krauthammer of the Washington Post.


The guest list was not formalized, so it is unknown who else was there. More importantly, the menu was not released either; we may never know if arugula was served.


Now, if a meeting like this had occurred under the Bush Administration with critical members of the media, I would have had two theories:

A) It's a sting operation designed to set up members of the liberal media and give Bush an excuse to throw them in Gitmo.
B) I'm dreaming.

Regardless, I guarantee that every journalist would have left dinner with a clever, new nickname courtesy of their Commander-in-Chief.

Does this sort of meeting signal a more open presidency, one that will listen to opposing views and not merely toe the party line?


All I know is that, for many liberals, the idea of the President talking privately with conservative columnists may actually be more frightening than the idea of a one-on-one meeting with Ahmadinejad.