Happy New Year!

One year ago, Barack Obama was a distant challenger to the Clinton juggernaut. John McCain was dead in the water, seemingly unable to compete with the heavyweights like Giuliani, Huckabee, and Romney. No one had heard of Sarah Palin. Other things that were different at the start of 2008:

We had also never considered to what extent rural Americans cling to their weapons and their faith.
We might have thought that Scranton was not a hell hole.
We were not intimately familiar with how many houses the McCains own, nor who Senator Obama's preacher was.
We assumed that the town of Unity, New Hampshire had just picked a silly name for their community.
Our country only had one presidential seal.
The Iraq War was going to decide this race.
Bloomberg was seen as a serious presidential contender who could reshape the electoral landscape.
Team of Rivals was just another book.
Three untalented, unattractive women had not yet discovered their penchant for describing McCain-centric lyrics with weird green screen effects.
Hillary Clinton was a divisive figure, hated by most non-Democrats and far from a national symbol of female empowerment.
None of us could pronounce or spell Blagojevich.
Tim Russert still hosted Meet the Press every Sunday morning.
Fist bumps were in no way associated with terrorist activity.
The New Yorker didn't face accusations of racism and bigotry.
Our leaders hadn't yet accused us of whining about the economic crisis.
Our President had not yet come face to face with flying footwear.
Caroline Kennedy was the private Kennedy who didn't want to get involved in national politics.
Barack Obama's testicles were not in danger because of Jesse Jackson.
The public only knew about one of Vito Fossella's families.
None of us had considered whether Russia was visible from American territory.
Small town mayors didn't consider their presidential prospects.
Bill Richardson was beardless.
John Edwards had a political future.
Arugula was not a political issue.
The idea of George W. Bush fighting desperately against his own party and against every Capitalist ideal imaginable was laughable at best.
The idea of George W. Bush giving corporate CEOs even more money was, I suppose, less laughable.
Eliot Spitzer was still the governor of New York State and had a bright future.
Ted Stevens was not awaiting the prospect of spending his final days in prison.
There weren't "real" parts of America.
Joe the Plumber was just a plumber.
John McCain was still seen as a maverick.

And, of course, hope and change did not appear to be imminent. With the Bush years coming to a rapid close, and 4 years of Democratic leadership waiting in the wings, here's hoping that 2009 will be a year to remember.

Have a safe night!

Science! Science Again!

President-elect Obama recently selected the new administration's primary science advisers, and the selections signal a dramatic turn from the Bush Administration's perspective that science can tell us whatever our politics want it to.


--> For all the lip-service that every national politician gives to making America competitive in science and technology, Obama's choices actually follow through on that priority. Harvard physicist John Holdren will become the director of the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy while marine biologist Jane Lubchenco will head the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. Holdren will be joined by former National Institute of Health director Harold Varmus and MIT professor Eric Lander as co-chairs of Obama's Council of Advisers on Science and Technology.


The choices, especially Holdren, signal an increased desire to focus national energies on combating global warming. A couple of years ago, Holdren told the BBC that “it is too late for avoiding dangerous climate change. We must focus now on avoiding catastrophic climate change.” Obviously, President Obama and his advisers believe that this is inevitable:


Thankfully, Obama also appointed this guy as a science advisor. He's our only hope:


--> Meanwhile, Obama announced his new Secretary of Energy: Steven Chu. Chu is a historic, barrier-breaking pick: the first Nobel laureate selected to a presidential cabinet. (Is anyone else annoyed that NO federal government has felt the need to employ the smartest people they could find?) He also signals a major shift in the role of the Department of Energy, focusing on green technologies and renewable energy instead of the traditional attention paid to nuclear waste.


By the way, Chu's Nobel Prize was won in 1997 for his work "trapping atoms with lasers," which will no doubt come in handy as a member of Obama's Cabinet. So will his ability to teach himself how to pole vault. At least that makes up for his being basically the only Cabinet appointment that isn't a basketball player.

In fact, the quotes attributed to him in the afore-linked article are hysterical. Among them, he suggests a hypothetical involving him as "emperor," explains that he had no idea what the significance of having trapped an atom was (that makes two of us), and much much more.


Up next time: an obvious James Bond pun, an easy Star Trek reference, a Cabinet member from "La Hood," and a slamdunk of an Education Secretary.

Team Obama: The Farmer and the Cowman Should Be Friends

Former Governor Tom Vilsack (D-IA) - Secretary of Agriculture

Fully convinced of the "team of rivals" philosophy, Obama decided to pick yet another former primary opponent for a prominent role in his cabinet. Vilsack will have a powerful voice in shaping policies for rural America, and his prominence, combined with fellow Iowan Senator Tom Harkin's chairmanship of the Senate Agriculture Committee, will put Iowa's interests - namely Ethanol - front and center. Just over a year ago, Vilsack was considered one of the front-runners for the presidential nomination; now, he joins his fellow front-runners Clinton, Richardson, and Biden in prominent roles advising a president less experienced than all of them. Just like Lincoln did it.

Senator Ken Salazar (D-CO) - Secretary of the Interior

A rising star in the party, Salazar was the second Hispanic politician named to Obama's cabinet. He, like Vilsack and much of the rest of the cabinet, has a reputation for being a moderate, and has been relatively open to trying new solutions for domestic energy supplies. And yes, that's him in the cowboy hat. But unlike Bush, he has a 100-year family heritage of ranchers. The combination of these two gives the western United States a powerful voice in shaping energy policies in this country for the next few years.

Also, this appointment creates yet another Senate vacancy to be filled by a Democratic governor. For those keeping score, that's now Illinois, New York, Delaware, and Colorado. It seems like all those positions have their own intrigue surrounding the governors' decisions. Illinois is obviously a fascinating example of governing gone wrong. New York's Governor Paterson wants to replace a female member of a Democratic political dynasty with another dynasty, either female (Caroline Kennedy) or male (Andrew Cuomo). Finally, Delaware's governor appointed a Biden ally so that Biden's son could run in two years. Politics is certainly an insider's game, and I am not sure what this will spell for Colorado (perhaps Harrison knows something about this).


Here's the guy who gets to make this decision. I'm sure he's thankful that the New York Post and the Daily News don't have circulation in Denver.

Department of Irony

Outgoing Vice-President Dick Cheney had some ridiculous advice for incoming Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel. In a private meeting between Emanuel, current White House Chief of Staff Josh Bolten and 13 prior holders of the office (including Cheney), Cheney insisted to Emanuel that his most important job will be to "keep your VP under control."

It's a shame Cheney didn't share that sage wisdom with Bolten or his predecessor Andrew Card when they first took office. Or perhaps Cheney's 8-year term as VP has merely been a post-modern critique of the office - a real world thought experiment designed to prove his theory about the dangers of a powerful vice-president.


Well, I'd say we've all learned our lesson.

Baby You Can Drive Their Cars, And Maybe We'll Give Them $17.4 Billion Anyway

In a dramatic move of "abandoning free-market principles in order to save the free market," the Bush Administration has completely circumvented the southern Republicans that rejected the bipartisan auto bailout, and used the President's remaining executive authority to direct a $17.4 billion bailout to GM and Chrysler in order to avoid the complete collapse of the American economy. The money was given with the understanding that the companies can create a business plan that will save them; otherwise, they have to pay the loans back immediately.


Supporters of the plan claim that the negative effects of a collapse of these companies would ripple throughout the market, causing untold damage to American workers.

Much of the GOP's leadership has actually turned on their president over the issue, criticizing him over the lack of accountability about how the funds will be distributed. Senator John McCain (R-AZ...perhaps you've heard of him?) is actually leading the charge, arguing....


Oh wait, I don't have to care what that guy says anymore.

It does just go to show you how strange this economic crisis has become; we have President Bush allying himself with the Democratic leadership against the party Maverick, the GOP base, and a bunch of southern senators whose states do more business with foreign automakers than domestic ones.

Duck and Weave, Mr. President!

Time for another addition of:

This Guy is Still Our President??


Today, our champion faces off against his most powerful foe yet - an irate Iraqi journalist and his footwear.



During a press conference with the Iraqi Prime Minister, President Bush was probably hoping for a goodbye present of some kind. After all, this was his final tour of the country whose destiny has been forever altered by his presidency. Some day, little Iraqi schoolchildren may learn about King George III of America (yes, our third president named George - there is no other connotation of that nickname) and how he led them from bondage to civil war.

Well, one Iraqi journalist, celebrating his newly discovered civil liberties, took the phrase "freedom of the press" a bit too literally, and flung his shoes in anger, one after the other, at the leader of the free world after yelling "this is the end." A bit of an odd phrase, but clearly those Nike sneakers had been irritating his heel long enough.



I will start by asserting my disappointment with the President's security team. How is it that a screaming man has the time to throw, not one, but two objects at the President of the United States before he is brought down by, and I'm not sure because the camera angle isn't great, either the Secret Service or his fellow reporters. God forbid those were acid-tipped uggs. I'm grateful that this man wasn't able to bring anything dangerous into this press conference, but it still concerns me that he was unstopped for a good five seconds.


Secondly, I want to admonish this clearly unstable reporter. I understand that Bush press conferences can be really frustrating. Let's face it: every word that comes out of the man's mouth is either poorly worded, a lie, or both. But throwing your shoes is not the answer! I'm sure Brian Williams has had to fight the urge to throw his clothing at President Bush, too. (In fact, I'm pretty sure that there will be many people who want to throw their clothing at President Obama - the favorite to be voted People Magazine's Sexiest President 2009.) But your American counterparts have been able to control themselves for these past eight years. As a member of the press, your role is to not challenge the President in any way; take a lesson from our U.S. media coverage, and just sit there and nod. If necessary, plug your ears. At least you have it easy - you don't understand the language that he is butchering.

In addition, as you can see the above video, MSNBC's analyst manages to explain the incident by pointing out that the man clearly meant to insult President Bush, because in Arab culture, the sole of the shoe is considered an insult. Hmm, here I was thinking that throwing something at the President of another country is an insult in itself.

Also, appreciate the intense stoicism of the Iraqi official next to Bush. Nary a flinch during the initial onslaught, and then a half-hearted swat at the second shoe.

Finally, I was deeply impressed by President Bush here. Calling on his intensive martial arts training, Bush was able to avoid this calculated attack. The first shoe - aimed directly at his face - flies by harmlessly as the President ducks down and darts to the left. George Foreman himself would be proud. The second shoe again comes towards Bush's face, but Bush takes a different approach with that one. Shielding his eyes like a Texas Rangers outfielder blocking out the sun searching for a fly ball, Bush ducks the second attack as well. Great reflexes.

Sadly, the Bush Administration did not escape unharmed - as you can hear in the above video, apparently White House Press Secretary Dana Perino was hit in the face with a microphone during the scuffle, which resulted in a black eye. Although lying just as much, she's at least been easier on the eyes than her predecessor, and so we wish her a speedy recovery.


There is literally no way that this presidency could get any weirder.

Beset on All Sides By the Iniquities of the Selfish and the Tyranny of Evil Men

There is no red corruption or blue corruption, there is only the United States of Corruption.

Illinois state politics have long been considered a breeding ground for ill-intentioned politicians. Indeed, I think it was Abraham Lincoln who famously said of Chicago, "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."


Governor Rod Blagojevich (D-IL) was arrested by the FBI this morning along with his chief of staff John Harris as the result of a major corruption investigation. Firstly, let me breathe a sigh of relief that I won't have to spell that name again in a political context any time soon. Secondly, I noticed that CNN this morning pointed out the oddity of the FBI coming and arresting the governor rather than allowing him to turn himself in. One reporter actually considered that the move may indicate that the FBI thought Blagojevich was a flight risk. I think we can all picture a high-speed highway chase with news copters overhead following an unmarked black limo driven by the governor and his chief of staff. Actually, I think this is probably how this was more likely to end:


So, what exactly did the honorable governor do wrong? Well...

--> Federal prosecutors allege that Blagojevich, holding sole power to appoint President-elect Obama's successor to the U.S. Senate (a perk he considered "f-ing golden"), planned on selling the seat to the highest bidder, in exchange for contributions to his personal finances, or government/private-sector job offers. Apparently, Blagojevich initially approached the Obama transition team, offering to appoint aide and close friend Valerie Jarrett to the seat, if Obama in turn would make him Secretary of Health and Human Services. Team Obama told him "no chance," and Jarrett was appointed to a senior White House position.

The governor didn't take too kindly to rejection, and spewed a stream of expletives in Obama's direction in a conference call with top aides and his wife on November 11th, complaining, "But they’re not willing to give me anything except appreciation. F—k them."


--> The investigation revealed that Blagojevich was actually more interested in money than power. He had grown weary of his government position, and was concerned about his personal finances more than anything else. He even planned on attempting to rope Warren Buffett and Bill Gates into this plan in order to get money from them to fill his pockets.


--> Blagojevich also threatened the Tribune Company, which owns the Chicago Tribune and the Chicago Cubs, to withhold state financial assistance for their sale of the Cubs unless the Tribune fired members of its editorial board that had criticized the governor in recent months.

If you want to read the entire federal complaint, enjoy our open system of due process here.

Also, here's a great article on how his mind works (or doesn't). Ben Smith notes that, through all of this, Blagojevich still had designs of running for President in 8 years. What a nut...

Speaking of which, on this case is United States Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald. Political aficionados already know of Fitzgerald for his vocal role in the Scooter Libby trial. His press conferences are always a joy, and this one was no exception. A highlight reel of his statements this morning include:

• "a political corruption crime spree"
• "The conduct would make Lincoln roll over in his grave"
• "a truly new low," as Fitzgerald explained that Blagojevich wasn't against the corrupt deal for the Senate seat, he was against "being stiffed in the corrupt deal."

On the state of Illinois, FBI special agent Robert Grant said: "If it isn't the most corrupt state in the United States, it's certainly one hell of a competitor. Even the most cynical agents in our office were shocked."


--> As a nice touch on this story, it would appear that Rahm Emanuel himself may have been behind the tip that led federal investigators to step up their inquiry into Blagojevich's corruption.


--> One would assume that Lieutenant Governor Pat Quinn will eventually take over the governorship. In the mean time, the Illinois state constitution mandates that the sitting governor still has the sole authority to appoint a Senate replacement.

However, that could change. Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL) and Illinois State Senate President Emil Jones have both called for the state legislature to pass a law allowing a public special election to fill the seat instead. If this happens, it opens up Republicans to compete for Obama's old seat as well, something that many Democrats probably won't be too happy about. However, given the strength of the GOP's last competitor for the seat, we should be fine.


Actually, I'm going on record as supporting this special election idea - mostly because I'd love to see Alan Keyes run a campaign again. Here's why. And here. Also here, as he gets arrested trying to break into a primary debate to which he wasn't invited. By the way, that second one is my personal favorite, largely because it seems to run against the McCain campaign assertion that Obama is Christ.


--> And just to continue our running series on ridiculous stupidity on the part of elected officials, our favorite Staten Island Republican Vito Fossella was sent to jail for five days. Don't remember who he is? EDC has you covered.

Team Obama's Prosecutor, The Prosecuted, and the Racial Walls Coming Crashing Down!

Cabinet updates have been slow in coming, and for that I'd like to begin making amends.

Eric Holder - Attorney General.

Holder, formerly a Deputy Attorney General under President Clinton, is another Washington insider that Obama has added to his team of change and fresh-thinking. Also a graduate of Columbia (undergrad and law), Holder is well respected among both parties with the exception of the one dark mark on his resume. In the final day of the Clinton presidency, he played a significant role in the controversial pardoning of fugitive financier Mark Rich, an event that he has taken significant criticism for. However, supporters point to his lifelong devotion to non-partisan integrity, noting that he actually pushed Attorney General Janet Reno to expand Kenneth Starr's investigation to include Monica Lewinsky - a move that led directly to the impeachment of a Democratic president.


But don't doubt his radical, liberal credentials. As a freshman at Columbia College, he joined an uprising that successfully invaded the R.O.T.C. headquarters on campus armed with pillows and sheets. Of course, he'll now be the person in charge of prosecuting anyone who did something like that.

Let's not forget that Eric Holder will become the first African-American attorney general in U.S. history. This would be big news if a much larger racial barrier hadn't just been broken - Obama appointing African Americans to his administration almost seems like an afterthought, while for all past presidents there has been an enormous focus on racial diversity.


--> And speaking of racial barriers, a hearty, bi-partisan congratulations is in order for Congressman-elect Anh "Joe" Cao (R-LA). Aided by low turnout and an embattled Democratic incumbent who was literally caught with $90,000 stuffed in his freezer, Cao became the first American of Vietnamese descent (actually fled the Communists when he was eight) to win a seat in Congress. He considers himself a moderate, and seems open to rational argument; we couldn't be prouder. (Also a plus to have a cute kid.)



--> And speaking of corrupt Democratic congressmen and Columbia University (see how this comes full circle), the news just keeps getting worse for Representative Charles Rangel (D-NY), one of the most senior members of the Democratic caucus and representative of Columbia and the surrounding areas. Apparently, Rangel has spent the last 4 years directing $80,000 in campaign money to his son's internet company in order to design two websites that were reportedly so poorly made that they should have cost no more than $100. Rangel has not had the best year of his career so far, and it probably won't be very long before he loses his gavel.

That's all for tonight. Some juicy stuff for you tomorrow or Wednesday.

A Newer Deal!

You'd think from my last couple of posts that there wasn't much major news in the past few days. Of course, I just need to build back up some stamina.

President-elect Barack Obama unveiled a major portion of his economic agenda on Saturday, pledging a massive investment in infrastructure across the United States as a way of stimulating economic growth. He also upped his guarantee of job creation to a whopping 2.5 million in the next two years - an enormous challenge by anyone's count. Among the key points of his plan:

--> rebuilding and improving roads and bridges
--> a massive campaign/investment to make public buildings more energy efficient
--> modernizing and upgrading school buildings - including new computers
--> strengthening our broadband investment to improve internet access
--> modernizing the healthcare system by featuring electronic medical records



I guess he's certainly embracing the mantle of "tax and spend," which will no doubt be thrown against him, and every successive liberal who runs for office, by the Republican Party. Thankfully, it's a much better plan than "cut taxes but spend anyway."



Unfortunately, the "tax" portion of the plan might not be as quick in coming as we'd like it to be. First, aides to the President-elect had recently suggested that Obama's pledge to repeal the outrageous Bush tax cuts for the wealthy may be indefinitely delayed, as a tax hike on anyone in this economic climate could be a recipe for further instability. Now, it appears that the proposal to institute a windfall profits tax on oil companies may be shelved as well. The justification seems to be that the price of oil has dropped so much that these companies are no longer making those ridiculous profits.

We'll see how this plays out, but we might lay these down as the first (of what will hopefully be few) broken promises of the new administration.

The Eight Most Dreaded Words in the English Language are No Longer: The Vice-President's Office is on the Phone

It's time to check in on our good friend, Fightin' Joe Biden, CWVF's favorite holder of the bucket of piss.

Indications seem to be that he will not, in fact, be like his predecessor.







Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) told the Las Vegas Sun that VP Biden will be barred from internal Senate deliberations, reestablishing the traditional independence of the legislative branch from the office of the Vice-President. Thankfully, he won't have to butt heads with the "4th branch" to get his wish. Biden seems perfectly happy with the role of presidential advisor and Senate tie-breaker, and will respect tradition and Congressional independence.


I'm still having trouble coming to terms with a White House that respects the law. I wish that I wasn't so impressed by such an obvious decision. I'll give the Obama White House about three months before I'm no longer impressed by them simply by comparison of the worst administration in history.

Out With Clinton, In With Kennedy? New York Switching Dynasties!

With all eyes in New York focused on Hillary Clinton's soon-to-be vacant Senate seat, a new contender has emerged to try for the title. Caroline Kennedy, daughter of President John F. Kennedy, niece of Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA), niece of former New York Senator Robert F. Kennedy, cousin of Robert F. Kennedy Jr., has apparently informed Governor David Paterson that she is interested in the job.


It remains to be seen if Paterson agrees that she is the right person, or that she has the political stamina to run in a special election in 2010 and then for reelection in 2012, but it is known that Paterson would like to appoint another woman to replace Clinton. Ted Kennedy, for his part, appears eager to push Caroline into a position of power.

Caroline is a very interesting figure, having rejected her family's political heirloom throughout her entire life until Obama's candidacy attracted her attention and her vehement public support, writing a brilliant op-ed for the New York Times that passed her father's mantle of hope to this newcomer from Illinois.


She also followed Barack Obama's educational path, just in reverse order - Harvard undergrad followed by Columbia Law.

Obama certainly wouldn't mind having such a committed ally in the Senate, and the Democratic establishment is certainly partial to the Kennedy name (remains the most popular political family in America - no offense to George, George, and Jeb).

We'll see how this turns out. It would certainly make for one more compelling page in the Kennedy narrative.

Format Shift and a Not-So-Formal Picture

Attention readers:

As much as I have enjoyed (and I know you have, as well) my long entries on this blog and its predecessor, I have come to the conclusion that the blog is not sustainable as long as I continue to hold myself to that standard of several stories per post. I don't have the time to sit down and compose long entries while I am at college. Thus, I will be making a fundamental change in how we do business here. Posts will be rapid fire - short, single-story posts that occur much more frequently than you're used to.

Look for the first of what will no doubt be many in the coming hours and days.

Meanwhile, enjoy Obama speechwriter Jon Favreau "posing" with a cardboard version of incoming Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. He has since apologized.

This is what we get for allowing a campaign of Facebook users into the White House.

Amazing

Real post to come soon. In the mean time, enjoy the star-studded cast of Prop 8 - The Musical.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

As you naturally try to catch all the stars that are briefly thrown at you in this video, try also to focus on how fantastic this thing is. I would also like to point out that ANYTHING featuring Neil Patrick Harris singing must be amazing.