Richardson: Facial Hair Would Have Saved Me!

Sadly, last week the Obama Administration lost its first member to scandal. Governor Bill Richardson withdrew as the presumptive Commerce Secretary, choosing instead to face ethics scrutiny at home instead of drawing a new president into his mess. The FBI, apparently on a corrupt Democrat bender, is investigating Richardson for a supposed pay-to-play scheme that allowed a wealthy donor to win a lucrative state contract.


It does certainly seem as if the FBI is focused on the Democratic Party right now after almost a decade of bringing to light tons of corrupt Republican schemes. Does this mean that the GOP has finally rid itself of corruption? ....Ha. My theory is that the FBI has taken it upon itself to become a 4th branch of government (apologies to Dick Cheney), acting as a check against whichever party happens to be in charge.

Obama regretted but accepted Richardson's sudden departure, especially since Richardson has a propensity for growing entertaining facial hair that Obama simply can't. By the way, the politics of beardliness is one of the more interesting topics out there, and one that might be applicable to this humble blogger if I were to someday run for something (perhaps the need to shave is itself a deterrent).


In fact, Richardson reportedly cited his lack of beardliness as the primary reason for his exit. Much as longtime New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner banned facial hair on his team, service for Obama seemed to also demand that Richardson shave his "I'm not running for President anymore" beard. Of course, much like with the Yankees, the move seems to have lowered team chemistry, ultimately leading to Richardson's falling out. Obama was reportedly heard screaming at Richardson as he left Washington, "I thought I told you to shave those sideburns!"


Best of luck to you, Governor. May you be proven innocent and not instead be forced to back your own party into a corner by appointing a legitimate Senate candidate who no one wants to allow in and who immediately turns the situation into a race war as the candidate stands in the pouring rain and carves his accomplishments presumptively onto his mausoleum, all while you give press conferences quoting dead poets all while declaring your innocence which contradicts concrete evidence supplied by the FBI... Damn it, I've been trying not to mention Blagojevich; the jokes are simply too easy and all the best ones have already been used by Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert (although if that was my normal standard for this blog, I simply wouldn't write at all).